


Reverse the Date. To change your Fate.

by Sweet_Liar



Category: Danga Ronpa - Fandom
Genre: Angie's magical, Atua's real, Bad omens, Character Death, Fiery Crash, Fluff and Angst, Funerals, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Nightmares, Ouma in a Coma, Praise Atua, Screw logic, Serious Injuries, Sorry Himiko, Time Travel, Until it Doesn't, Vacations are nice, it goes well, saiouma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-10-24 05:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17698787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Liar/pseuds/Sweet_Liar
Summary: Caring looks and sweet smiles.They work through the toughest of trials.The love lives on, even when one doesn't.Worried glances, a dropping grin.There isn't enough time. His life lines growing thin.Death after death, does faith do you any good in the end?Crying eyes and quivering lips.It's hard to breath. Reality lost it's grips.If only he could change what happened.Just... Reverse.





	1. Getaway

Shuichi sighed as he set down his papers, sending a glance out the window. The gloomy months had approached and it left the area in rain and slush. Mother Nature couldn’t seem to make up her mind when it came to snow or rain. One week it would hail, the next it would pour. A fog would set over the roads, making a blanket over the neighborhood and the region.

It always made Shuichi feel tired. Yet relaxed. Even late into the morning he hadn’t truly woken up. “That’s gotta be the fifth time you’ve yawned in a row.” Kokichi poked his cheek. Ah, not to forget about him. The one he lived with, for… about 7 months now. Boyfriend, actually. They had a special relationship, Shuichi would say. 

They just enjoyed each other’s company. A quiet, yet exciting relationship. They didn’t do anything too sexual yet, just cuddling, maybe heated make out sessions but that was all both were okay with. He considered himself a mad man for falling for the shorter one. Absolutely insane. 

Kokichi would often like to worry him. Often. Shuichi couldn’t tell when he was doing it on purpose anymore. Like cutting his finger, burning his hand on the stove, fooling around at an old house and stepping through a floor board. That one gave Shuichi a heart attack. Of course, Kokichi pretends he did it just to make his heart die with worry. It works. Every time. 

It might be his way of checking to see if Shuichi still cared about him. Which he finds ridiculous. Shuichi swore his love to him. Forever and always. He wouldn’t break that promise even if it killed him. 

“If you were just tired you can go back to bed, it is your day off. You don’t have to spend every second with me.” Kokichi pouted, sitting at Shuichi’s feet who sat on the couch. Reading and working, even during his days off. Kokichi leaned against the others legs as a makeshift back rest. 

Shuichi reached forwards and placed his hands on the others shoulders, “Shuichi, don’t break my shoulders again!” Kokichi giggled as the other worked out the kinks and knots, massaging the aching areas. Shuichi took his hands away, “Want me to stop?” He asked politely, Kokichi had landed on his shoulders quite painfully three days ago. Maybe he won’t bother Himiko when Tenko’s around to throw him across the room. 

Kokichi grabbed his hands back, setting them back on his shoulders. “No, that feel nice.” He muttered. Relaxing against Shuichi as some of the pain in his shoulder released. “I’m serious about the go-to-bed thing. You were up doing all nighters to get your work done for the past two nights. Rushing just so you didn’t have anything to worry about. We still have 5 hours before we leave to the train. We’d even get there early but you always like taking the earliest train..” 

Kokichi turned his head and grabbed the papers Shuichi was working on previously. “And your still working. Come on, bills aren’t due for another month and a half. My Shumai seriously needs to learn how to take it easy.” 

Kokichi folded the paper into an airplane. And tossed it across the room. Shuichi didn’t even try to retrieve it. “Isn’t that why we’re going on this little getaway? I’m never one to take a week off…” Shuichi replied. Kokichi sighed at the others words, as it wasn’t the first time he’s heard it. “Your detective homework is done, you never use your days off, you do a ten man job, it’s about time for a break with me!” 

Kokichi had a point. And it wasn’t the first time he’s argued that point either. “I don’t want to leave you bored…” Shuichi yawned again, he did get sleep last night. Maybe it was an hour or two but still sleep. “I’ve been left home alone so many times as a kid to of not come up with ways to entertain myself. I’ll even make you those gingerbread cookies!- Ahaha… without burning my hand off this time of course!” 

Kokichi stood up and rolled his shoulders, stretching it out one more time. “Go to bed, I won’t let you over nap.” Kokichi smiled, pecking Shuichi's cheek and pulling him off the couch. “And if you’re still tired I’ll make you your favorite coffee. My skill doesn’t disappear when I’m off work, so get!” He gave Shuichi one more push in the direction of the bedroom. 

That was true, Kokichi did have some power that made the coffee he touched taste amazing. He made the best barista, making his ‘special’ always woke Shuichi up. He shut the door to his bed room, he was already wearing comfy clothes. He didn’t feel like changing. So he shut off the light and laid down. 

___________ 

“Shu-Shu, wakey wakey!” He felt his face being attacked by a thousand kisses. Something Kokichi liked to do to wake him up. It’s always worked. “Mm, I’m up.. I’m up, how much time…?” Kokichi snickered, “Oh! I forgot to wake you up, you have 5 minutes!” Shuichi was about to react negatively but sighed, “That’sa lie.” He say lazily, “Aww I almost got you too… we have an hour, and I finished my packing. Judging by your suitcase you did too.” 

“...I finished packing a week ago—” Shuichi yawned, getting up. “Did those four hours help any?” Kokichi asked, already picking out the clothes Shuichi would wear. “ Yeah, thanks for suggesting it.” Kokichi threw the outfit at him and Shuichi caught it. Taking off his chill-out clothes. 

After changing he still was a little bit sleepy, but Kokichi gave him his coffee and a cookie. Shuichi bit into the cookie with a muffled thanks. Typically, Shuichi was the one doing this to Kokichi. But more and more into this relationship, Kokichi has been doing this. He was learning how to read what Shuichi liked and what he didn’t. What made him happy and what he appreciated. 

This was Kokichi’s first real relationship. He only learned that two months ago. He would have never guessed. The way he kissed made it seem like he was experienced. But no. 

Shuichi was proud to say he stole Kokichi’s first kiss. Kokichi himself wouldn’t of been the first he’s gotten with. He’s had a boyfriend and girlfriend in the past but Kokichi tops it all off. 

He couldn’t help but admire the others perfection. It made him sad to think Kokichi couldn’t see it himself. There were moments where the purple haired boy couldn’t sleep at night because he felt so useless. So imperfect. The depression he went through amazed Shuichi because he came out alive. He never even once turned a blade on himself. It’s what made Kokichi so beautifully perfect. So strong, so sweet. 

He met Kokichi in highschool but only talked so often. Until later in the years, a day after school, he found Kokichi working at a cafe. They were still in school and no one else knew. The look of surprise on Kokichi’s face when he walked in through the door when the bell chimed was a pure, genuine expression of shock. It only lasted for five seconds though. 

Shuichi would occasionally go to the cafe. Just to get a coffee to wake himself up, but after Kokichi started working there, his visits turned him into a regular customer. Kokichi would be the one who tended to him and he almost got the other fired once for showing PDA (they were thought to be holding hands or something, the manager lost his girlfriend at the time so he was harsh about that). At that point in time they had not confessed to each other, but it definitely struck the idea. 

“Hey! Stop ogling me you pervert and drink your coffee.” Kokichi laughed with that smirk on his lips. Shuichi directed his gaze elsewhere. “I’m not ogling, I’m admiring.” Kokichi scoffed, “That’s what they all say!” He slipped on his shoes. Dragging his suitcase to the door. He did the same to Shuichi’s. He was so helpful, you could tell he was making an effort to please Shuichi. Who wanted to let the other know it was truly appreciated. 

He set his coffee mug on the table, half empty. He had at least ten minutes before they left. He had time. He slid his hands over Kokichi’s shoulders, kissing his cheek. “Is Shu asking for my lips?” He asked, tapping the only pair he had with a smile. Shuichi didn’t answer, because Kokichi turned himself around. Shuichi took it upon himself to do kiss the left side of his mouth, then the right side. Ending it right in the middle. “Does Shu do this when he’s happy? Such a strange way to show it.” 

Kokichi wasn’t annoyed, in fact, the brat was fighting back his own giggles. “Hey, don’t be mean to me. I know you like it.” Kokichi’s laugh left his lips, wagging a finger in Shuichi’s face. “Keep doing that and you might be the death of me. Shame, shame, shame. I didn’t know that was your true goal! Oh? What’s that? I think I hear three knocks at the door!” Kokichi wriggled out of Shuichi’s hold and grabbed both suitcases, signalling that he couldn’t carry it alone. 

“That’s a bad omen.” Shuichi said, understanding the reference. Kokichi laughed, “Yeah! And so is whistling at night. Watch out for snakes!” He giggled, Shuichi pat the others head, “Right, you do realize you spend too much time on the internet? Even after all that time, you still forget to wear a jacket in 30 degree weather?” Shuichi grabbed Kokichi’s jacket and threw it at him, the same way he threw the clothes at him. 

“Ha. Your humor is as funny as your name.” Kokichi slid on his jacket, Shuichi didn’t get it. “What? Saihara? Ha. Ha. Very funny, but my humor isn’t dry.” Shuichi defended as he opened the door. “It so is!” Kokichi hauled his load to the cars truck. Shuichi followed him out. “How long is the train ride again?” Kokichi asked as he sat in the passenger seat. 

“I’d say a day long?” Shuichi answered, sitting in the driver's seat and starting the car. Kokichi groaned, “It better be worth it going to this hotel you say that’s sooo amazing.” Kokichi sunk into his seat, pulling his jacket around him until the car warmed up. “But it is, like I’ve said, we get a huge room, a bed for you and me, and every luxury you could imagine.” He said, turning the heat up. “And please buckle, if I stop short you’re going to fly through the window.” 

Kokichi mumbled something incoherent as he buckled himself in. “Hmph, why do you have to be such a perfect human being?” Kokichi muttered. Shuichi laughed, “Perfect human being? No, far from it. And think of this as a makeshift late-gift for your birthday.” A really late gift. That was months ago. But Kokichi was sick on his birthday, they had plans too. Shuichi felt bad so he started saving up for this place Kokichi’s always wanted to go. He could always use the allowance his parents gave him, but he always hated relying on them. 

They got to the train station and took there things to catch the train. It was a nice train so they grabbed their things and got comfy in an empty space. A couple hours into the ride Shuichi had fallen asleep again. He didn’t know what it was about being on moving vehicles. It always seemed to rock him to sleep. 

He didn’t know how long he was asleep but when he did wake up it was dark out, and Kokichi was giggling as he scrolled through his phone. He looked up and noticed Shuichi was awake. “Nee-heehee… you were still sleepy even after that nap? Or was it one of those sleep-for-too-long-and-wake-up-tired-because-you-slept-too-much kind of deals?” Shuichi sighed with a smile. He had gotten a look on what was on Kokichi’s phone and to the looks of it, he was taking pictures of him when he was sleeping. 

One had a drawn on pink mustache, but he’d ignore that. Kokichi would probably use it against him in the future. Kokichi pocketed his phone and scouched over and wrapped his arm around the other and laid his head against Shuichi’s shoulder. “Night, night..” Kokichi said yawning. With Shuichi’s free hand he checked the time on his phone. It was midnight, Kokichi always ran on no sleep 24/7. He has yet to find out how he does that. 

_____________ “Shuichi help meee…” Kokichi was now awake and complaining about the position he picked to sleep in. Shuichi chuckled, it was his fault but he wouldn’t tell him something he already knew. It surprised him how long Kokichi slept. Really, typically he was 3-4 hours if he didn’t want to rest. The purple haired gremlin was like a child with ADHD. Must be entertained, except he chose to be this way. 

It was the same as any time Kokichi woke up. He would take Shuichi’s hands and place them on his shoulders, begging for the relief of his joints loosening to wash over him. Every time Shuichi heard the sigh that signaled he hit the right spot always put Kokichi in a good mood. “How much longer?” Kokichi asked as Shuichi wondered, touching any sore area and making it disappear. “An hour or so, almost there.” 

Sure enough, they arrived and grabbed their stuff, waiting for the bus that would pick them up and drop them off at the fancy hotel. Kokichi tapped his finger on the suitcase handle a little impatiently. “I’m hungry, is there food at the place?” Shuichi nodded, “All meals are complimentary, you can order things from our room and it can be delivered to us.” Kokichi gasped, “Why do you have to pick the place of my dreams?! Stop being the better boyfriend, you’re making your supreme leader look bad.” 

Shuichi grabbed the others hand. “Oh? Is that what this is? Seeing who’s better than the other? I think you win.” Kokichi shook his head. “Nuh-uh!” He held up their hands. “No PDA Shuichi! Breaking the rule already hm? You hang around me too much.” Both laughed at the inside joke that really wasn’t funny at all. At that point, the bus came and they boarded. 

It wasn’t too long before they arrived at the Hotel. Shuichi smiled when he saw the look of amazement on Kokichi’s face. “This place is HUGE.” He stated, pulling Shuichi to the door, already super excited to see their room. Shuichi checked in as quick as possible, for Kokichi’s sake. “It’s room 601.” Shuichi said to the boy already breaking the no-running-in-the-halls rule. “Top floor right?!” Kokichi clicked the up button more than once on the elevator. Until it came to take them up to their floor. 

Shuichi knew Kokichi would get there first so he tossed him the key card and watched the bundle of energy hunt down the door. Of course it was easy, Shuichi watched from afar as Kokichi opened the door and ran in to claim his side of the bed. By the time Shuichi entered, Kokichi had opened all the windows. Blinding him as he walked in because the walls were white and it bounced off. 

After about two seconds of looking around, Kokichi came out to crush Shuichi in a hug. “Ah, you like it then?” He asked, putting his hand on the others head. “Like it? Nope. I hate it.” Kokichi snickered, that was a lie. He must love it. “Good, I’m glad.” He kissed the others forehead and Kokichi let go. “It looks better than the pictures!” He skipped towards where their room was. 

It was really fancy, all that hard work really paying off. There was a huge king bed, and Kokichi stole the left side, as always. The bathroom was half as big as the bedroom. A huge bathtub and many light switches that Shuichi had yet to find out what it turned on. 

“Shuichi! Food!” That’s right, he needed to get food. “Want to go out to get it? Or order it?” He was already ordering it before Kokichi answered. “A king doesn’t go get the food! The food gets brought to him! Now go fetch my loyal servant!” 

After about 30 minutes, the pizza Shuichi requested arrived and Kokichi dug in. “Mmm, I think you surpass servant. You graduated to my royal guard.” Kokichi said with a mouth full of pizza. “Really? It’s about time.” Shuichi replied back. Stealing a slice for himself. 

“Do you want to go anywhere while we’re here? Or just stay here together?” Shuichi liked to plan things while Kokichi liked to go with the flow. He didn’t really expect an answer, or if he got one it wouldn’t be an official decision. “Hm, whatever Shuichi wants! His week off, I go where he does.” Another thing Kokichi did to creep Shuichi out. “Must you speak in the third person like that?” 

Kokichi sat up from where he was laying down and crawled over to Shuichi. “Does Shuichi not like it? Is he annoyed? Is he still reminded of that horror movie I told him not to watch with Kaito but insisted anyway because he said he was being a good friend? Hmm??” Kokichi put on his creepiest smile, letting his face darken and lips stretch to his ears. “...I’m not scaring darling Shuichi… am I?” Shuichi flicked the others nose, a movement Kokichi did to Shuichi when he was too close. “Hey! That’s my shtick!” He whined, flicking the others nose as pay back. 

“I’ll steal it if you don’t stop doing that.” Shuichi pushed the other away. “Aww but it’s not that bad! That wasn’t even my scary face! If you want scary then steal my Panta stash, I dare you.” Shuichi shuttered, “I don’t think I will...heh.” He smiled nervously. “Good! Plus I’d never do anything to my Shumai. He— you’re all good.” He pat Shuichi's head twice and winked at him. 

____________ 

“...I didn’t know that they could make heaven into a bed and have my favorite person also in it..” Kokichi’s comment woke Shuichi up. “...No achy shoulders today then?” Shuichi asked in his tired voice. “...if I didn’t would I not get a massage?” Shuichi turned around to face Kokichi. “As long as you want one then you can get one.” 

“You’re the best, you need a Bestest Person Alive award.” Kokichi giggled, only silencing his laughs when Shuichi pulled him closer kissing him on the nose. “There’s no greater reward than you.” Kokichi blushed, “Ewww stop being so sappy!” 

“Fine, fine, want me to treat you to that pastry cafe for breakfast? I heard it was good, famous for the chef that started it…” 

“Is it that French place we passed on the way here?” Kokichi sat up, looking out the window at the sun that poured in. It wasn’t a gloomy morning which would let them have a nice stroll. “Yes, there’s Crepes, croissants… uh, more French things. The sweets are the thing you might like. Macaroons, eclairs… I heard about the French sweet with a Japanese twist, I think it’s called Sadaharu Aoki? There might be a—” Shuichi was cut off by a finger being pressed to his lips. 

“You had me at pastry, and what did I say about being perfect?” Kokichi threw the covers at him and hopped out of bed. “I’m supposed to be making you feel relaxed!” Shuichi chuckled and pulled the blanket off, “But making you feel special makes me a happy person.” Kokichi turned his back to him, mainly to hide his flustered face. “Stop succeeding.” 

“Hmm, I don’t think I want to.” Shuichi got out of bed, it was very true that it was too comfy for its own good. No wonder it didn’t give Kokichi a hard time. Both got dressed for the day. “Shu, can we take buses or taxis everywhere? Cause I might’ve seen the little list of places you wanted to go with me and I don’t think I can handle so much walking! Unless you wanna carry me the whole way!” Kokichi laughed, he had one point. Shuichi didn’t want to carry him everywhere. _But if it did come to that point he wouldn’t mind too much._ “Sure, but I making you pay for transport.” 

Kokichi whined. “Fiiine! But you’re paying for all the sweets I get!” They got ready to leave after agreeing on the money situation. 

Shuichi couldn’t wait to spend this week with him. 


	2. Still Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels good now.
> 
> It feels wonderful... but only now. 
> 
> Then the next day you'll wake up and forget about. How foolish. Most take for granted the good feeling. They only remember the bad. He said this. She did that. The time they were kind didn't matter. People... the human race isn't forgiving like that. It's one of the reasons they blame themselves when the moment is too late. 
> 
> But whose to say that bad thing will happen to them? It's just in movies.
> 
> Loss of a loved ones happen on film... over dramatic scenes that aren't real. But it makes you think.
> 
> Were they based on reality?

“I want that one! And that one! And that one, oh! And that one!” Kokichi pointed and tapped on the glass as the baker took the sweets and placed them in a bag. “Might as well buy the whole store while you’re at it.” Shuichi added, getting a giggle from Kokichi. “Aw! You mean we can’t?” Shuichi paid for the treats and they were out. “Mm! Dat plas is gud!” Kokichi proclaimed with a mouthful of macaroons. “Please don't choke.” Shuichi sighed, not annoyed whatsoever. It was cute, but he didn’t want to do the heimlich on him now.

Kokichi swallowed, “Hey! Try! It’s not overwhelmingly sweet so you might like it!” The smaller held up a pistachio macaron to the others lips. Shuichi took a bite, Kokichi was right. He did like it. “I like the strawberry marshmallow ones, it's the best, I should have gotten black raspberry! The only one I missed!” Kokichi picked through the bag again. “The Japanese thingy is good too, I have one more. Let’s split it!” 

Shuichi held back a overwhelming smile. Biting into his half of the treat. This week he could tell he was going to be enjoyable. Already recovering from his stressful days at work. Being with Kokichi seemed to mend that. His cute smile, his funny personality, the way he cares about Shuichi. Everything was so perfect words could never describe it. In this moment and time. It was just him and Kokichi. The passerby’s of the street, sending their judgmental looks at the two became distance. The sound of the busy, bustling area went close to silent. No one, not anything, could compare to the boy next to him. 

“Nee-heeheehee… you have that dreamy look in your eyes again.” Suddenly the world snapped back to reality. Kokichi was giggling at him, he put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile. “Ah, sorry, I just really adore you..” He said It gently, a fact that was so true not even the most biased of people could prove him wrong. He watched the tips of Kokichi’s ears redden. Followed by his cheeks. It was light, Kokichi pretended he didn’t care. He grinned back, “Who doesn’t!” 

“Only the blind.” Shuichi replied, putting an arm around Kokichi as they walked back to their hotel. He stilled owed him that Shoulder massage. 

____________ 

“Mhmhmhm…” Kokichi hummed with a small laugh. “...Shuichi has talent with his hands, and I found that out the hard way.” He giggled, “You have a dirty mind.” Shuichi sighed. Both were sitting on the bed, Kokichi was panning through the movies they could watch. “Romance?” 

“Mmm, if you want to.” 

“Action? Oh! That new hero’s movie?” 

“Only if you like it.” 

Kokichi groaned, “Stop being nice and tell me what you like! Any movies you’ve been wanting to watch?” He turned his head to look at Shuichi, who was currently thinking. “Shu, stop contemplating world hunger. Just a simple question…” Shuichi’s hands paused, now just sitting on Kokichi’s shoulders. “Yeah… but the things I like, you don’t.” 

Kokichi leaned his head back and kissed Shuichi’s chin. “Yeah, we are two different people and like different things but that’s what compromise is. Now tell me what you want.” Shuichi sighed, “Fine, but I know you won’t like it. I heard it was a good one and interesting.” He took the remote Kokichi handed to him and selected the movie to show him. “The murder on the train! I figured you wanted to go for that one! But that’s gonna totally give me nightmares so let’s watch it at night. Wanna get the box of tissues and watch A Dog's Purpose?” 

Shuichi laughed, completely okay with that compromise. He recently discovered that Kokichi was a sucker for dog movies. Especially when they die. Although he did have a suspicion Kokichi was a cat lover. “Sure, but don’t get too sad. I watched it on movie night with Rantaro and you might be a mess.” Kokichi whined as Shuichi left to get the necessary things for an emotional ride. 

“WH-WHY DID THEY L-LET HER DIE LIKE THAT!?” Kokichi yelled at the screen. Freely letting his voice choke up when the dog was shot. “She was a good doggy.” Shuichi commented. Not adding salt to injury at all. “I BET THIS DIDN'T PHASE Y-YOU AT ALL!” Kokichi accused, “HEARTLESS BEING!” He threw a crumpled tissue at him. Shuichi chuckled, “Hey, at least he gets reunited at the end.” 

This time the box came at him. “DON’T SPOIL IT!” 

By the end of the movie Kokichi went through every phase, he’s happy, then mad, then sad, and repeats. Luckly, he ended on a happy note. “Shuichi, we need a dog.” He stated, already picking up his phone to look for the best type of dog to have around. Shuichi laughed nervously, “That might be too much for us, we could hardly afford this amazing place. Plus, I’m no dog trainer.” Kokichi waved a hand at him. “Shush, shush! I’m no child! I know the responsibility talk! And we don’t have to get a puppy, we can adopt an already trained one! Like the ones who don’t pass as a helper dog?” 

“There’s a reason they don’t pass.” 

“I should get you a German Shepard, you’re a policeman. So you can have a buddy with you to sniff out the evidence! I’m totally getting you a dog for your birthday. Or maybe you could get me one! I love big dogs, tiny dogs are cute, actually I don’t mind either one.” He laughed as he looked at the really huge dogs. “Slow your horses, if we got a dog for just the two of us wouldn’t that be saying something?” Shuichi asked, hoping Kokichi didn’t get the wrong idea. 

“What do you mean?” He asked, looking away from his phone. “W-Well… If we got a dog, I might be overthinking this but… wouldn’t that mean we plan on staying together for… ah, n-nevermind.” The words sounded better in his head. “Ooooh, you mean, because we get a dog, it ensures we stay together and don’t plan on breaking up in the future? Because then, who would get the dog? Yeah, Shu is definitely over thinking that.” 

Shuichi found some distaste in the others voice. “...I-I don’t plan on breaking up if that’s what you’re thinking.” He hoped Kokichi wasn’t thinking that. He’s thought many bizzare things before, that would be the most craziest. Kokichi hummed, “I’m glad, I even ran my lie scanner through you. Honest as always…” He turned to sit facing Shuichi completely. “...A boy who is everything I’m not, perfect soul with a perfect heart, perfect intentions… topped with a perfect kiss…” 

Shuichi blushed, “...Look who’s being sappy now.” He muttered. Kokichi smirked, “Shut up, it’s called indirectingly asking you for a kiss.” He moved closer, but Shuichi closed the gap. 

_____________________ 

One kiss later and the sky was dark. They were finishing up dinner that Kokichi helped make. “You sure you want to watch this? We don’t have to, I know it bothers you.” Shuichi put on the movie and went to take his place next to Kokichi. “Pfft, just because it isn’t my favorite genre doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy it. Plus! I always get the murderer before you do.” He snickered. “Because I like to check out everyone’s alibi. Unlike you, I don’t write the person off as guilty because of one good thing against them.” 

He pressed play, Kokichi still laughing at him. “But I’m always right. It’s always the one who looks the least guilty! Like the detectives partner! Now that’s rich betrayal right there.” Shuichi felt bad about letting Kokichi watch it. Not that Kokichi couldn’t handle it, he was mature enough. It was the fact that the idea of murder doesn’t sit well with him. He was fine with seeing it, the crime scenes only were a little bit disturbing. He doesn’t vocalize his discomfort. Shuichi has heard him saying how babyish it was to be bothered by it. Or how disgusting it was to take pleasure in murder. 

He thought Kokichi would hate him if he found out he liked murder mysteries. But when he did find out and recognized what Shuichi feared most, he told him that he knew Shuichi didn’t like murder itself. Just figuring out the killer. It was true, Shuichi didn’t like murder. But there was a feeling he got out of picking apart the mystery. Like he was meant to be doing that. 

“You were right, they all did have a hand it in.” Shuichi said as the credits rolled. “Nee-heehee… What did I tell you! I’m a genius!” Kokichi pulled off the blanket so Shuichi could join him. “A very modest one too.” Shuichi mused, laying next to Kokichi. 

“Modest? Of course! I’m an _angel!_ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapters a doozy, one might say...
> 
> ...the scene hit them like a truck.
> 
> >;)


	3. It's a date!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To sum this up in four words.
> 
> "What could go wrong?"
> 
> Then sprinkle some jinx on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was foreshadowing what was going to happen a lot XD I hadn't noticed until I re-read what I wrote. So sorry not sorry for future events!

The next morning, Shuichi yawned as he blinked awake. He rubbed his eyes as the sun crawled into the room. Shining through the white curtains with small designs crocheted on it. It reminded Shuichi of heaven. The gleam of sun with a cloudy whiteness as it’s world. He turned his head, expecting Kokichi to be awake. He wasn’t, Shuichi smiled. He didn’t get to see Kokichi sleeping too much. Since the moment his head hit the pillow he’s gone.

He looked angelic, his purple hair messy and disheveled. Laying on the white pillow. His lips slightly parted, gently taking in air. Shuichi wanted time to stop just so he could look at him forever. He couldn’t resist his temptation. He reached a hand out to caress his soft cheek. He was beautiful. The definition of that word. Everything fit into that category. 

Kokichi’s eyes fluttered open, a smile stretching across the small boys face. “Well good morning Shumai, it’s not every morning I wake up to see you a couple inches from my face. Or awake.” Kokichi giggled. Making Shuichi realize how close he was. “A-Ah, sorry.” He blushed, only really apologizing because he felt embarrassed. “No, no! I like that!” Kokichi pushed Shuichi back down and rolled on top of him. “..We should be this close all the time…” He whispered in a low voice. Breathing against Shuichi’s neck. 

Shuichi only pushed him off. “Not today Kokichi.” He got out of bed, smiling when he heard Kokichi’s whine. “You’re no fun Shuichi!” The taller boy shut the door to the bathroom, locking it so Kokichi doesn’t sneak in again while he’s taking a shower. 

“So what are we doing today?” Kokichi asked, playing some game on his phone. “I thought you read the list of things we were going to do.” Shuichi stated as he poured the milk into his and Kokichi’s cereal. “Oh! That was a lie! I knew we were going to go places, I just didn’t want to walk.” He sat at the table to eat his breakfast. “Ah, in that case, I wanted to take you to that famous play in that theatre just 30 minutes away by bus.” 

Kokichi looked up at Shuichi, staring at him. “You mean, you’re actually taking me to _that_ famous theatre.” Shuichi smiled when he saw that face of disbelief. “Damn you Shuichi, you’re not even lying.” Shuichi laughed, “You’ve been wanting to see the inside, so I’m letting you.” Kokichi dropped the spoon into the bowl. “You were saying last night how we can’t afford a dog and you are taking me to broadway?! SHUICHI! B-R-O-A-D-W-A-Y Don’t tell me you got the most expensive show out now!” 

Shuichi pulled the tickets from his pocket. Holding them in front of Kokichi’s face. “Okay, I won’t.” 

“Ahaha, I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already do.” Kokichi held Shuichi’s hand, swinging it back and forth as they walked to the bus stop that would soon pick them up. “You know…” Kokichi began, waiting for the bus. “...You would never hold my hand in public, when we first started this relationship.” Kokichi squeezed the others hand. His voice was softer. Even in the rather loud surroundings. Shuichi heard him clear as day. 

“...You’d never… look at me the way you would when we’d be alone…” Kokichi looked up to meet Shuichi’s eyes. “...You’ve grown more confident with me next to you… I no longer make you feel ashamed…” It was odd to have Kokichi speak with such a gentle tone. Shuichi smiled lightly. “Well, being around you… you’ve really shown me to not care what others think. So really, all I did was accept my fate. ” 

“I’m your fate?” 

Ah. That was it, Kokichi’s been having doubts. Shuichi had no problem with proving those questioning thoughts wrong. “Of course, where there’s you, there’s me. You’re impossible to ignore. It’s especially impossible to worry about what people think when you’re taking up the space. So yes, my fate is to stand by your side. It’s a place I plan to stay…” 

“Nee-heehee… You’re so cheesy, and at a bus stop? How romantic.” Kokichi pressed his head into the others arm. “I don’t deserve you.” He said quietly. Shuichi chuckled, “No, you don’t, you deserve the whole world.” He pressed a kiss to Kokichi’s head. “I can only give you so much.” Shuichi said, Kokichi giggled, “Nah… The only world I want is yours.” 

The bus arrived and people started boarding. Shuichi took Kokichi by his hand and took their seats before it filled up. “You already stole it.” 

The moment they stepped into the building, Kokichi just gawked at everything. Like showing a child a candy store and told they could have anything they wanted. That sparkle of excitement shown in Kokichi’s eyes. Shuichi lead Kokichi to their seats. 

“How did you score these!? Right in the center and no ones in the way! I can’t believe you said ‘Can’t Afford’ you liar! We can buy a mansion at this point!” Kokichi cheered, Shuichi chuckled. “Maybe, but let’s enjoy the show first.” 

Kokichi held Shuichi’s hand as it the show was about to start. “I’m recording this.” Kokichi said, pulling out his phone. Shuichi raised a brow at him. “Isn’t that’s illegal?” 

“And since when am I a law abiding citizen?” 

“Point made.” 

Almost three hours later Kokichi bounced out of the building with Shuichi in tow. “That was amazing! I filled up my camera space, I have enough to make a movie out of that!” He snickered, Shuichi sighed, “I still can’t believe you “Accidentally” bumped into the lady to spill her drink over the guy in front of her.” Kokichi laughed, “That was hilarious! And that guy in front of her was harassing the lady next to her! I saved the day once again!” 

Shuichi gave him a dull look, “You said it was because you tripped.” Kokichi giggled. “Nee-heehee...Now, now detective, I thought you were used to my lies.” They walked to a nearby restaurant for a late lunch. 

“Do you want to go to that park on the water edge?” Shuichi asked after they ordered their food. “Ooo, that sounds romantic! We can go there to see the sun set!” It was a good idea. It wouldn’t be cloudy today so they would get the perfect view. “Alright, that sounds like a plan. After lunch you can pick what we do next.” 

Kokichi cheered, promising to Shuichi he’d regret letting him have control. 

“Nee-heeheehee! Wasn’t that so fun!” Kokichi laughed, skipping down the darkening street. “If fun you mean grueling, then sure, fun.” Shuichi breathed, as he lagged behind Kokichi. “Aw, it wasn’t that bad!” 

They did in fact do something Kokichi had fun doing. Which meant going to a Casino and screwing everyone over. “Was it really necessary to win all those games?” Shuichi questioned, they had won a decent amount of money. Making many big guys angry. They were eventually chased out by the bankrupt men. “Of course! I had to show off my amazing skills!” 

That was what he did. “I didn’t know you could play poker so well. Even getting away with cheating.” Kokichi gasped dramatically. “Cheating!? Me?! Never! I can’t believe you’d assume something like that!” He pouted and crossed his arms. “I saw you slide that card up your sleeve.” Shuichi stated, making Kokichi smirk. “Whatever! That was just one game! I definitely played Baccarat fairly!” 

Shuichi thought back in his memory, that statement was true. However… “You cheated big time in roulette.” Kokichi looked surprised for a second, before putting on his smug look. “I’m surprised you caught that at a busy roulette table… Nee-heehee! You shouldn’t be mad though! I won a couple hundred dollars!” 

Shuichi sighed, “I’m not mad, I just think you could’ve won without cheating. Now let's hurry before we miss the sun set.” Kokichi nodded and both hurried off to the park. It was just 5 minutes away if they speed walked. 3 if they ran. Kokichi decided to run, using the last bit of his adrenaline from running from the burly men at the casino. Shuichi didn’t want to lose him so he followed after him. Kokichi was always so agile, Shuichi was lucky if he even kept up at all. 

Of course he lost sight of Kokichi but he knew the way to this park. It didn’t take long to reach it, Kokichi was already sitting at a bench. Pretending to have been there for a while. “Took you long enough! Jeez! Late to a date? How rude.” The bench Kokichi picked was on the very edge of the land. Giving them both a perfect scene before them. 

“A date?” Shuichi asked, Sitting next to Kokichi. The boy giggled, Hugging the others arm. Leaning his head onto the others shoulder. “Mhmm… This is a date.” Shuichi smiled, taking his arm away from the other and putting it around Kokichi instead. 

Shuichi looked at the serene world around them. Taking it in. Not many people were here. Making it quiet with only the sound of the water gently hitting the rocks down below. There was a soft breeze, Shuichi took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked up at the sky, the oranges, pinks, and yellow tainting the water. Mimicking it’s friend above. Nothing could compare to this. The calm peaceful moment. 

“...I love you.” Kokichi mumbled. “I don’t say that enough…Even though I should.” Shuichi smiled. “You know I love you too..” He kissed Kokichi’s head, “So...” He kissed his right cheek, “So…” Kissed the left, “...much.” Ending with a chaste kiss to the others lips. Kokichi kissed back before Shuichi pulled away. The other hypnotizing him to just stay in the kiss a little bit longer. Before Shuichi won and pulled away. “...I don’t think you even know how much you mean to me…” Kokichi murmured. 

“How much?” Shuichi asked, wondering the creative answer Kokichi would give. “You mean… You mean more than… Panta...my parents...any amount of money...any house… Because you are mine. You, Shuichi Saihara, are mine. My Beloved, My Shumai, My Best friend, and most importantly, My life. You said so yourself. Where there’s you, There’s me. Meaning that you mean more than anything. I would never trade you for anything. I’d die in your place if I had to make that choice. I know I don’t show it enough… but I do care… I care a lot.” 

Shuichi hugged him tighter, “...Don’t take the bullet for me… I don’t think I could live without you.” Kokichi scoffed, “Shuichi. I can’t live without you. If we never got together then… I would have tied the running knot a long time ago. I’m serious Shuichi. If you died, I’d follow suit. I know you would never have the courage to kill yourself, so my death before yours. Always.” 

Shuichi didn’t like the sound of that. “...Let’s not talk about death. I have you now, it’s all that matters…” Kokichi hummed an agreement. “This sunset is pretty…” Even though the sun was dipping behind the buildings in the distance. Shuichi opened his mouth to say something but Kokichi pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him. “Don’t say that! Cheesy Shuichi. So cliche! I know I’m prettier than it so no need to tell me.” 

Shuichi chuckled, “How did you know I’d say that?” Kokichi rolled his eyes. “I know you backwards and forwards. So predictable.” Predictable, huh? Shuichi smirked, he’d show him predictable. The lamp next to the bench flickered on due to the nighttime fully arriving. Kokichi would definitely hate Shuichi for this. 

In one swift motion he scooped Kokichi up and sat him on his lap. “Ah! Shuichi!” That’s what he wanted to see, a caught off guard Kokichi. He also wanted to hear his giggle, so he pattered his neck in kisses. He lightly grazed his lips against his skin, barely touching him. Kokichi smiled, knowing what Shuichi wanted, so he held back his laughter. Shuichi fixed that by trading his kisses out with his hands. Sneaking them to tickle the other others weak spots. “Ahaha! H-Hey! That’s ch-cheating!” He squealed, trying to push Shuichi away. 

“How’s this for predictable?” He smiled at Kokichi breaking out in fits of laughter. “Y-You win! Ahahaha! Stahahahp!” He resulted in his last defence and grabbed Shuichi’s face to press a kiss to others lips. Shuichi dropped his hands. “Mhmhmhm…” Kokichi still giggling even in the kiss. “...gotcha…” He whispered. “Let’s go before we get too carried away in a park. Kay kay?” He slid off Shuichi and pulled the other up. 

“That was a short date.” Shuichi said, a little disappointed to be leaving now. “Oh shush, we can finish this date back at the hotel.” He grabbed Shuichi’s hand. Walking back through the park and back onto the streets. “Want to take a bus? It’s not the best to walk out alone on the streets.” Not even mentioning thugs at night, it was a long walk from here to the hotel alone. “Of course I do! Unless you’re carrying me!~” 

Shuichi rolled his eyes, “Keep dreaming.” 

They found a bus and got on, Kokichi sitting next to Shuichi. “Is this a 35 or 40 minute bus ride? I know it took half an hour to get to the theatre. And that visit to the casino…” Kokichi sighed, definitely tired. He checked his phone for the time. “Well, at least we will be back before 11! Better not be too tired!” He snickered. 

Shuichi put an arm around him. “I think your the one that’s tired.” Kokichi rolled his eyes. “Nah, I’m never tired. Babies get tired, like you.” He poked Shuichi’s cheek. He sighed, looking around the bus. Only about seven other people on. Surprising how there wasn’t more. He thought it would be busy at night. 

Kokichi relaxed against Shuichi for the ride back to the hotel. Shuichi didn’t think on it too much. Just feeling the bus stop and go. The lights flying by the window. It amazed him how even in the dark night the streets can be lit like day due to how many lights people had on. It made it look really beautiful. It’s a wonder why artists and photographers come here. He’s glad he got to give Kokichi a chance to see it. 

Just to give him a taste of what it’s like to live in a happy home. Not that he grew up with too bad abuse. Little to none really. Just ignorant parents who filed a divorce when Kokichi was only 9. He’s been bouncing between homes until he got his own place to stay. Which would ultimately end him up with Shuichi. 

Shuichi didn’t have it all bad either. As a child his guardians were what many would call “helicopter parents.” Always watching what he did. Teaching him to look perfect every which way in case a camera was around. He never got a phone until his last year in high school. Even then he was constantly monitored. His parents provided everything for him and Shuichi didn’t have to lift a finger. He didn’t like that. The rift in his parents relationship happened soon after high school ended. 

They had gotten into a big verbal altercation. Which led to Shuichi getting kicked out. His friend Kaito happily opened the door to his home to him. Until Shuichi got a job with his uncle. Once he was back on his feet he met Kokichi. At the time Shuichi had an apartment. It wasn’t the first time he saw him. He went to high school with him but nothing happened. He found the other annoying and never in a thousand years could he picture him and Kokichi together. 

It was just a normal day, but when he walked into that cafe his life took a turn for the best. He talked to him quiet often. Soon after high school ended, he asked him out. Kokichi at the time just got into college. He would have already spent two months in his dorm before he truly started to like Shuichi. 

Fate worked in mysterious ways. Pairing the two who were to be considered far from friends. Kaito was the most shocked when he found out. Turning from best friend to third wheel must have been hard. But once he got Maki around his finger, he spent less time with Shuichi. Not that Kaito doesn’t call at least once a week to check in. Making his monthly visits to have “guys night out, and Maki” 

Shuichi has had a lot of ups and downs. This was the highest he’s ever been. Happiest he’s ever been. 

“My lovesick puppy has those googly eyes again.” Kokichi snapped Shuichi out of his trance. “Takes one to know one.” Shuichi replied. Kokichi simply nodded. Not bothering to prove him wrong. Some things are just hard to lie about. Not that the lying part was hard. 

“Hm, wow, my boss texted me and said my work was appreciated. ‘Come back soon!’ Of course he realizes I’m good once I’m gone! Ha!” Kokichi mused. “I thought your boss didn’t like you?” Shuichi was sure he almost got fired a month ago. Kokichi snickered. “He doesn’t, but the people do! I have the best rated service! I’ve even gotten Christmas cards from them before. He doesn’t fire me because I’m the reason he gets money!” 

Kokichi texted him back, probably something to get on the others nerves. Shuichi didn’t have to know. He checked his phone, just some texts from Kaito and Kaede checking in on how their little getaway was going. “Shuichi! Selfie time!” Shuichi looked and saw Kokichi holding up the phone with a filter on it. Giving both of them whiskers and cat ears. “Smiiiile and say best week ever!” 

He did, Kokichi snapped the picture. “I’m posting that, and I’ll send it to you. Kaito’s gonna be so jealous!” Shuichi doubted Kaito would be jealous. He had Maki after all. 

Another 10 minutes into the ride Kokichi finally stopped talking. Only to have arguing start in the front of the bus. “What’s going on now?” Kokichi curiously asked out loud. “People probably arguing over whether they paid or not.” Shuichi sighed. It was typical. “I’m gonna go find out!” Kokichi said, hoping up. “Careful.” Shuichi added, not that Kokichi would listen. He just gave him the thumbs up and continued to the front. 

He saw Kokichi talking to the other people, he couldn’t hear the conversation but it definitely got louder. Shuichi was about to get up and pull the other away when the bus screeched to a stop. The reason came seconds later when something slammed into the side of the bus. Screams were heard but the last thing Shuichi felt was the bus tipping over and a deafening explosion. 

His head slammed against the glass too hard, enough to crack it. His consciousness was fading fast. Flames had engulfed the vehicle, Shuichi couldn't see. His vision blacked out. Eyes dropping shut. 


	4. Chapter 4

_“He’s gone! Get out and save yourself!”_

_“No! I don’t care!—” He erupted into violent coughing. “—Help me get him out...!!”_

______________

Shuichi winced as he begrudgingly opened his eyes. Most of his body was numb but other parts of him stung. He heard hurried footsteps followed by the opening and closing of a door. 

He looked around the best he could through half lidded eyes. The burry surroundings cleared up and he recognized he was in a hospital room. Upon recalling what he remembered last, his eyes shot open. Kokichi. Where was Kokichi. 

The door opened again and doctors came into check him. “...Amazing…” he heard them mumble. “He should be dead from that collision…” Shuichi looked at his arms. Wrapped in bandages. Judging by how much it was stinging, those were burns that hid behind the medical tape. 

“...What happened..?” He asked, getting sad looks from the nurse. “You were on a bus, going down 33rd street when a fuel truck hit your bus… you suffered from a dislocated shoulder and 2nd degree burns. You have stitches on your thigh from being punctured with metal. It’s a miracle you survived, only 3 people out of the 10 people on survived.” Shuichi felt his heart drop to his stomach. “W-Who are the other two..?” Half of him wanted to know, the other really didn’t. 

“A women and young man. Did you have friends on that bus with you?” Shuichi didn’t like that sad look in her eyes. “Y-Yes…” his heart was pounding faster than it should. “...A boy w-with purple hair..” Her look dropped. “Yes… that is the young man I mentioned…” relief washed over Shuichi. But something still felt wrong. “...But the boy slipped into a coma 5 minutes after administration… He sustained heavy trauma to the head and we don’t know if he’ll make it…” 

“Th-There has to be something you can do..!” He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. Half due to the pain and other due to the thought of Kokichi dying. “We’ll do everything we can… He’s a brave soul that one…” She spoke as she monitored his health. “... I’ve heard he saved your life… willing to go into a burning bus for you… you must be really good friends…” 

“....h-how badly is he hurt?” He knows she said he hit his head badly but that couldn’t be it. “...He sustained a concussion to the front of his head. His lungs are damaged from too much smoke inhalation… he has burns similar to yours. His spinal cord was disrupted- but just relax for now…” she eyed his heart rate. Beeping faster than normal. 

“I-I’ll try…” He will, but he has little faith in himself. “Just rest, we have visitors for you but I won’t let them in until you heal up a little bit more.” After applying newer bandages to his burns she left him in peace. As much as he wanted to sleep, he felt sick. Not even thinking on who his visitors were. 

Kokichi… 

He begged the almighty or whoever controlled his fate. To just let him live. He deserved better than an unfair death. 

He didn’t know when he drifted off to sleep. But he woke up to people at his side. 

“He’s awake!” 

“Shuichi? How are you feeling?” 

He turned his head to look at who was speaking. “...Kaede?” Yes, that was Kaede. Hard to miss the blonde hair and violet eyes. “Shuichi, you had me worried sick! I’d hug you right now but I might hurt you.” Shuichi looked at the other person. “Oh… hey Kaito.” 

“Hey Shuichi, how's my sidekick holding up?” Shuichi sighed, “...I could be better, when did you guys arrive?” Kaede looked at Kaito who probably had a different answer. “I came in this morning and Kaito came in the night of. That crash… Shuichi are you sure you’re okay? Hundreds of people took videos. I’ve seen them on YouTube. It...it’s horrible.” 

Shuichi hates himself for wanting to see, but he didn’t really know anything. “...Could I see a video? The best one you can find?” Kaito looked at him shyly, “...Are you sure?” Shuichi nodded. Kaito looked at Kaede. She shrugged, Kaito pulled out his phone. It didn’t take long to get a video. 

He turned the screen to Shuichi and pressed play. It didn’t show when the tanker hit. The person probably whipped out their phone after the fact. It was night, of course, and a sickening amount of smoke fled from both machines. The tanker had hit the bus, hitting it side by side with the other. Making the bus crash into its side. It was kinda hard to see with so many people running away from the fire and others getting closer to take a better look. 

He saw a bystander dragging people out through the escape on the roof. One of the first people being dragged out was recognized to be Kokichi. He was taken far away from the fire like many others. But further into the video he sits up and looks around frantically. The person videotaping looked at the bus and truck. Looking away from Kokichi and the others. The recorder pushed their way to the front. Getting a better look at the fire police were pushing everyone away from. 

His heart sank when he saw the smaller running back to the bus. He looked away from the phone, it was getting harder to watch. The consequences Kokichi would receive going to save him. Kokichi had no clue… he should have just let him die… 

He looked back, in time to see him stumbling out, struggling to carry someone over there shoulder. The minute people came to help he collapsed. Unmoving. Shuichi finally pushed the phone away. He couldn’t watch it anymore. His throat was choking up at the thought Kokichi had a 90% chance of dying… 

...and it was his fault. 

Kaito patted his non-dislocated shoulder. “...Hey, we're here for you Shuichi. If it’s Kokichi on your mind… I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s a little cockroach. He’ll bounce right back.” Kaede nodded. “Yeah! Don’t worry Shuichi… he’s fine, I’m sure he’ll wake up soon.” 

They never lied about being by his side. Almost everyday Kaede and Kaito came in and talked with him. Offering encouragement and comfort. Staying through his physical therapy. Helping him heal from the burns which was awful. They had to wash them, rubbing against the irritated flesh stung like thousands of splinters being driven into his skin and slowly being plucked out. He had to get used to having his arm in a sling. But it was the least of his problems. 

He hasn’t even seen Kokichi yet. He’s asked to see him but all times he’s been denied. His anxiety has been on high since he found out about the coma. He just wanted some reassurance he’d be alright. 

“W-Won’t be able to walk…??” Shuichi repeated, not wanting to believe this news. “...his spinal injury was worse than we thought….It might be possible for him to relearn how to walk but not likely. Hopefully speaking isn’t the same way… his skull has a visible crack along the side. God knows if he even lives to see the next month.” Kaede was with him to hear the news, holding his hand to reassure him even the slightest bit. 

“C-Can I please see him…?” It’s been two weeks. He couldn’t bare to go another week without just seeing him. The nurse sighed. “Alright… I suppose it will be okay.” She lead him and Kaede to a room. “We typically only let family in during these times…” She opened the door. Leaving them to enter alone. 

Shuichi only took a couple steps in before stopping to just look. His heart breaking at the sight. Kokichi laying perfectly still. Only having the subtle movement of his chest rising and falling. He took the chair next to the bed. Getting a closer look at him. His head was bandaged. As were his arms and hands. His hair… it was noticeably shorter. 

“They must of cut off the ends…” Kaede said, as if she could read his mind. Meaning it got burned in the fire. Shuichi reached out to hold Kokichi’s hand gently. Kaede went for the door, probably feeling the need to leave the two alone. 

Shuichi looked at Kokichi’s face, it wasn’t relaxed like it normally was when he was sleeping. He looked uncomfortable. Almost sad looking. “...Kokichi… I’m so sorry…” he mumbled, trying to not look so pathetic. If Kokichi was awake he would probably say it wasn’t his fault, there was nothing he could of possibly done to prevent what happened. He would be right. What happened, happened. Not because of something Shuichi caused. It just happened. 

Still… Kokichi sustained more injuries by going back in to get him. “...Stay strong for me...okay? Please..?” His voice cracked, it was so pointless to talk. As it would be to a deaf person. He truly was the highest of high. The most happiness he’s ever felt. 

But oh how ignorant was he being when he forgot that the higher he went... 

...the more painful of a fall it would be from the top. 

The week ended. He hadn’t gone back to work. Still doctor's orders to stay home and heal. Heal. He couldn’t do that. 

It took seconds. Just a couple of measly seconds. To take someone he cared the most for away from him. He was still in critical condition. His burns were healing like Shuichi’s were. But his mind wasn’t. Things wouldn’t end even if Kokichi did wake up. He would be practically paralyzed. He possibly couldn’t talk. Shuichi would still help him. But Kokichi would be living in his own version of hell. 

He spent most of his time with everyone else. All his friends gently offered support. They might have not liked Kokichi a lot but they knew what kind of relationship they had. Shuichi could see the pity in their eyes. They didn’t believe he would make it. He’s been around Kokichi too much to differentiate between a truth and a lie. Especially when they were bad liars. 

Kaito… Kaede…Maki...Gonta...Kiibo… everyone. They all lied through their teeth. 

“He’ll be okay!” “Kokichi will make it!” “I believe he’s strong enough to pull through!” “I’ve done worse to him. He’s fine.” “Many have survived these medical conditions before!” 

Lies. They were all lying to him. Just to make him feel better. No one believed. No one thought he’d make it out. Cracked skull, paralyzed… No one even knew how he was able to get up and practically run into that bus to retrieve Shuichi. It wasn’t possible. There was no logical reasoning. It didn’t make sense. Maybe he was running off adrenaline, or will power. 

But still. 

What ever happened when that tanker smashed into bus, it still would have injured him. He got up as if he wasn’t even in the crash. Only collapsing after Shuichi was safe. If he could do that… then surely he could survive the coma. 

He was lost in thought again. Home alone. Only 9 at night. Angry at himself. He didn’t bother eating the food Kirumi so kindly made for him. He was too caught up in his own selfish guilt. Regretting everything up to that point. He was mad, because really.. 

He didn’t think he’d make it either. 

What kind of faith was this? None. There was none. Everything was so perfect. Why did it have to come crashing down at that point. Hell, people forget many things from blows to the head. Maybe he won’t even recognize Shuichi. He was just stuck thinking the same thing over and over. 

_Surly there was something I could of done._

_I could of done something different._

He knew very well that sitting in these thoughts was going to do nothing. He’s resisted the tears since the day he was free from that stupid hospital. Only reassuring to himself that Kokichi was still alive. 

Still breathing. 

He still had a chance. 

But why did that feel like a lie? Everyday it feels like the others heartbeat gets weaker and weaker. Slower and struggling to keep up it’s pulse. Shuichi was more than willing to pay for the expenses to keep everyone from pulling the plug on him. At this point he wouldn’t even care if it was his parents money they left for him. Maybe he was selfishly wasting the money but it was on a life. 

Even if just one life. Surely it was worth it in the end. 


	5. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cingulomania  
> (sing-gyoo-loh-may-nee-uh)
> 
> A strong desire to hold a person in your arms.

Kokichi was in too unstable condition to be transferred to a hospital closer to home. So Shuichi made the day long trip to the hospital once every two weeks. Kaito liked to try and keep him busy. Taking him out far more often than just “wanting to hang out.” He knows he’s trying to distract him. It’s not working, but the effort was appreciated.

“How much longer is your arm in that sling?” Kaito asked after they came out of the movie theater. “Ah...um, just a week or two. Not too much longer.” Kaito sighed, probably looking for other things to talk about besides letting the silence eat at both of them. “Did it hurt when they relocated it?” Shuichi nodded, “Little bit.” 

Kaito and Shuichi got into the car and started the short ride to their neighborhood. “Kokichi is still on your mind, isn’t he?” Shuichi didn’t respond. Habit he got from Kokichi. When the answer was obvious, he never answered. “I’ve been going on about this at the wrong angle…” Kaito said quietly. “I’m supposed to be helping my sidekick when I’m not helping at all.” 

Shuichi looked at him with confusion. Kaito rubbed his chin in thought. “I’ve been trying to get him off your mind. Clearly that hasn’t worked, because you don’t work like that.” Shuichi kept listening, purposely keeping his gaze on the window. “You like to face your issues and not ignore them for too long. We’ve been friends for how long and I’ve forgot that?” 

So much for keeping his thoughts off Kokichi. He remembered the day that Kokichi discovered that. Anytime Shuichi was upset and trying not to breakdown, Kokichi came bouncing in with jokes and distractions. It might of done something for a short period of time but amounted to nothing. The event that stirred Shuichi’s feelings always came back after the little game. 

When Kokichi openly talked about said issue then Shuichi would start the correct healing process. Kaito was a little late discovering that fact. Mainly because he keeps rediscovering it. He’s gotten better now that he has Maki. The girl who was the definition of keeping to oneself. “...Maybe later Kaito.” He knew ‘facing his issues’ meant talking about it. It was late and didn’t particularly feel like doing that now. 

Kaito pulled in front of Shuichi’s house. “You know I’m here any time Shuichi.” He nodded, thanking him for taking him out. He got out of the car and waved bye to Kaito as he drove off to his place. 

Shuichi hated walking into his home only to have a wall of silence to greet him. It stung more than his shoulder ever did. He’d give anything just to hold Kokichi again, to talk to him, to see that smile… kiss him just one more time to feel him kiss back. This was insanity. The idea of him dying was torture… 

But to be actually put in a situation where his life was at risk of leaving… it made him want to tear his hair out knowing he was powerless against it. He really needed to calm down. How stupid he was. He always depended on Kokichi with things like this. So pathetic, he couldn’t go a month without him. Not in a hospital bed. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t talk. If Kokichi died then no words could have been traded before his last breath. 

To think the last thing he said to him was “Careful.” What a joke. He hated this, his heart ached so much it made his chest hurt. He needed some form of comfort before he went insane. He went to their room and Shuichi pulled out his favorite checkered scarf. Kokichi treated it like a baby blanket. Wearing it everywhere and anywhere except work and business proper areas. Only recently stopped wearing it everywhere he went. Probably why he left it home before going on their getaway. 

He never knew the story behind that scarf. He’s claimed it to be his favorite. Never once told Shuichi why or how he got it. Holding it in his hand was already soothing at its own degree. He took in its soft fabric and calming scent. “...I miss you..” he mumbled helplessly. Kokichi would laugh at him being so clingy. How would Shuichi ever get over him if Kokichi’s heart fails him? He wouldn’t. He couldn’t picture a world without him. Kokichi stole it after all. 

Meaning if he died, he’d take a piece of Shuichi with him. Tearing him in two. He had to snap out of it. Kokichi would live. He had to. He would. He got ready for bed with that thought in his head. Kokichi would be okay. Someday he’d heal from this. 

_____________

Kaede was over today. Hanging out with him. Talking about cases she really didn’t understand but tried anyway. Cases. Murder cases. It did distract him successfully. That was until he shut the file, but he didn’t intend on that. He wasn’t as focused, but getting better. Out of embarrassment, he didn’t have Kokichi’s scarf with him. Not when Kaede was around to see him treat it like a god touched it. “It could have been this guy, he fits the description of tall, blonde and about 5’8.” Kaede pointed out. Pushing a picture of the man forwards to the suspect pile. Shuichi smiled weakly, “Yes… that’s true but he his alibi checks out that he was at the bowling alley at the time of the murder. Only having alliance with the victim for a couple years in highschool.” 

Kaede hummed, “But he has been known to have drug addiction in those years. There was a notable dispute between the two. The victim suspected was in with a bunch other people as ones who ratted him out as the dealer. Making him serve… 5 years in prison?” Just as Shuichi was about to point out a woman who was there the time of the crime, his house phone started ringing. “I got it!” Kaede smiled, Shuichi let her go get it. Knowing she was just trying to be helpful. 

He listened as he wondered who else could be the killer. 

“Hm? Oh, no, but he’s in the room…. What is it? …. Yes...—” A gasp was heard, followed by the dropping of a phone. Shuichi turned to see what happened. “Kaede? Something...wrong?” He saw Kaede with a hand over her mouth. Eyes wide open. Pale with the look of terror and shock written in her expression. Tears breached the corners of her eyes. “Sh-Shuichi…”

She embraced him in a tight hug. Trying to keep herself together. “K-Kaede? Kaede, what’s…” He faded out, feeling his stomach twist into a knot. “...H-He’s gone Shuichi….5:34 this m-morning…” She choked out through her own cracking voice. He blinked. “...What?” He didn’t hear what he thinks he just heard. “....he’s gone…” Kaede muttered a bit more clearer this time. 

The reality hadn’t hit yet. He played her words in his head on repeat. 

_“He’s gone.” “5:34 this morning.” “He’s gone.” “5:34 this morning.” “He’s gone.” “5:34 this morning.” “He’s gone.”_

Suddenly he felt numb. “Oh… dear god.” His legs felt too loose to hold himself anymore. Reality was hitting. Slowly sinking it’s merciless teeth into the depths of his dying soul. “Sh-Shuichi… stop hiding it, I’m h-here… I’m here.” She said in a quiet broken tone. He hugged her tightly. His eyes burning. “...please Shuichi, it’s over… he’s no longer suffering.” That tipped the glass over. 

He’s never openly cried in front of anyone except Kokichi. It took a lot out of him too, he never liked to. But he still found himself crying loudly, he didn’t care. He didn’t care if the world was watching. He’s held so much back for the sake of acting strong. He clutched to Kaede, sobbing into her shoulder. He knew she felt his pain. He could hear her trying to suppress her own sorrow. But Kokichi meant something to her too. Both ended up in an emotional mess on the living room floor. His shoulders shook with each wave of tears. Kokichi’s words haunted him in the back of his head. 

_“...my death before yours. Always.”_

It felt like hours that they were there. Shuichi forced himself to stop. No amount of tears were going to bring him back. Just the thought of the funeral was unbearable. “...th-thank you...Kaede…” he said, feeling more like apologizing. Kaede wiped away the excess tears that trickled down her face. “...Are you...going to be okay?” He almost laughed at the question. 

“...no, I don’t think I will be.” 

… 

Kaede left a little over two hours ago. It was kind of her to spend all day with him. For now, he was glad to be alone. Because his emotions were writhing inside him, begging for another release. He complied, screaming in a pillow this time instead breaking down into another ocean of tears. Although he felt like it. The tears did managed to wriggle through. He clutched the checkered scarf tightly. 

If only he would have known, that Kokichi would be dead in the next two weeks he would have held him just a little bit longer. Kissed him more often. Spent time with him instead of working. His throat was sore, he tried to help himself but whimpers of pain slipped through. He couldn’t sleep knowing he was… he was gone. It made him feel sick. 

“Oh god...why did you have to take your angel back home now?” 


	6. Funeral

Shuichi blinked awake, rubbing his tired eyes he got out of bed. He couldn’t lay in bed for hours today. As much as he really wanted to, he had an event to attend to. His room was a abnormally clean. It kept his mind off things. He cleaned himself up and got dressed. Putting on his best clothing. Hopefully everyone would be there. He knew Kaede would be.

She would be picking him up. They would meet at a church to do final goodbyes before going to the cemetery to do the burying. When stepping outside, the sky was cloudy. Dark clouds that promised rain for later on. How perfect. Kaede came and picked him up. Not much words were traded on the way there.

It was hard to walk into that church. Kaede silently encouraged him to stay strong. So he tried. He took a deep breath as he walked through the doors. Keeping a stone face when he saw the casket. Having a small coffin made him picture he was watching a child’s funeral. It felt the same to him. The innocence Kokichi kept to himself was pure. Even if there wasn't much in the first place.

Sitting at the pews he waited for others to arrive. They did, thankfully. Even Maki. The small ceremony commenced once everyone came. Some brought flowers, a mix of purples and whites. His mind seemingly wanted pick that moment to recall the best moments he’s had with Kokichi. Holding his hand… comforting him when he felt worthless… hugging away his nightmares… He wished he’d wake up from this nightmare. He wished but no matter how many times he’d pinch himself, this was real. And he had to except that.

Kaede played the music. A song that Shuichi picked to be Kokichi’s favorite. The slow songs, the gentle sound that you might want to hear on a rainy day. He bowed his head, finding the floor more interesting to look at than the casket. Soon they began moving the coffin down the aisle to be loaded into a car. Before Shuichi could get his bearings together, he noticed a women. He didn’t recognize her, but she made her way over to him.

“You’re Shuichi Saihara, right?” Her voice was low and depressed. He couldn’t blame her. “..I am.” She held out a hand to him. “Nice to properly meet you, I know you might not know me but I’m Kokichi’s mother.” He took her hand, he would be more surprised if he was devoid of all life. It was almost obvious. She had dark hair, almost black but ends more purple. Straight hair, he wouldn’t of guessed. “Nice to meet you too.” He said, sounding almost robotic.

“I doubt you heard anything good about me. Being the terrible parent I am…” She sighed, blinking more than she should. Making Shuichi think she was on the verge of tears but her voice hid that fact well. “...I shouldn’t of shut him out of my house for finding out about your relationship with him. We haven't spoken in so long… My last words to his face were so cruel. The moments before… when I knew he was thinking about you, when I heard him talking to you. It made him sound happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen my son before. I was never there for him… You were, so I came to thank you. Thank you for giving him a life worth living. Even if his time here was short.”

She pulled out a tissue from her purse and dabbed at her eyes, carefully not ruining her makeup. Shuichi didn’t expect such a heartfelt thank you. The pure guilt in her voice. “...If I could tell him anything… I would apologize for not giving him what he needed. I would tell him I loved him… But as we all know, I’m a little too late. He wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway. Thank you for hearing me out.” Shuichi shook his head. “No… Thank you, I appreciate your words… and if he was here… He would have loved to hear you say those words. I know he never really showed it but he cared about you. So don’t think you went all wrong.”

She smiled, looking away briefly. “I was wrong about you, you know. I thought he ran off with another delinquent and got into things he shouldn’t of… but you’re the kind of person I hoped he’d end up with. Thank you, I’ll never say it enough. Now shall we go? Wouldn’t want to miss the burial.” He nodded, walking out with her.

He wondered why his father wasn’t here. Kokichi’s relationship with his father was a bit more unspoken about. Shuichi didn’t pay too much mind to it. They arrived at the cemetery a short while later. They gathered around the place he would be buried. Shuichi didn’t let any tears escape as they lowered the casket. Although Kokichi’s mother had it more difficult. They were burying her baby right in front of her.

Tears stained her face, but her composure was kept. Even if her heart was cracking she still was able to talk smoothly with others. Shuichi now knows where Kokichi got it from. However, looking around, she wasn’t the only one crying. Even Miu was trying to keep it together. Using Kiibo’s shoulder to cry on. “...I-It’s always hardest when th-they die virgins…” Shuichi heard her mutter.

Maki looked hollow, Kaito kept his head down. Kaede was crying silently as Rantaro tried to comfort her, even though he was hurting too. Himiko was hugging Tenko and Kirumi was holding some flowers with her eyes closed. Angie had her hands together in prayer smiling as if everything was okay. The rest had a dull look in their eyes. Even if Kokichi made all their lives a bit more challenging, his absence was as loud as his presence.

He brought smiles to all when he tried. His jokes and bubbly personality was contagious, no one would admit it. Something would be missing without him. Soon the time came to leave and Shuichi didn’t want to. Leaving meant a real goodbye and he couldn’t handle that. Even if he could come and visit. He watched him get buried. That smile now hidden 6 feet under. “Shuichi...? You coming?” Kaede asked, Shuichi looked down. “In a few… I just need a minute.” She nodded, saying she’ll be waiting in the car.

He was soon alone. He wiped away the tears that betrayed his efforts. He looked down at the spot Kokichi would be for the rest of his life. “You always know how to surprise me…” He started, giving up on drying his eyes. “...but this time you really got me. I wish this was one of your horrible pranks… just to jump out from behind a tree and tell me it’s a lie… I know that’s childish thinking…” He pressed his lips into a thin line. “...I still love you… if you think I’ll just simply move on then you’re wrong...You were the one and only. Y-You’re...one in a million...”

“Shuichi?” He looked up, the person catching him off guard. “A-Angie?” Yes, that was her. “What are you doing here? I-I thought you left?” She walked over to stand beside him. “Yes I was going to leave! But I came back!” She smiled, “I know what you most desire.” She said ominously, making Shuichi’s skin crawl. She always could do that. “...What I most desire?” He echoed. Looking at her with eyes that still held hurt and confusion.

“Yes, yes, you want Kokichi back! Since it’s bad to have no reason to live, I will help through the will of Atua!” She clasped her hands together and began muttering a prayer. Shuichi didn’t interrupt, he’d ask questions after she was done. “...may Atua show Shuichi the way…” And with that she opened her eyes with a starry look in them. “What do you mean help? ...There isn’t much you can do… he’s..”

Angie laughed, “Nyahaha! Shuichi musn’t doubt! Those who believe will be saved! May belief set you free!” She grabbed his hand, not being too pushy but still pulling him to where Kaede waited. “Do you believe Kokichi can be saved?” She asked, looking him dead in the eye with a serious tone. “B-But only a miracle c-could save him, h-he’s—” “Do you or do you not believe he can be saved?” Shuichi didn’t understand, this was Angie he was speaking to. Maybe in the afterlife?

“Not sure what you mean...but sure, I believe.” She smiled wide, “Nyaha! How divine Shuichi! That is all you need! May Atua guide your way! Kokichi had his chance, now it’s your turn.” With that she skipped off. Leaving Shuichi confused. Kokichi had his chance? With life? He sighed. “Sorry to keep you waiting…” he mumbled to Kaede as he got into the car.

“That’s alright… Take your time with this, it isn’t easy.” She whispered gently. She drove him home silently. It was all they needed. No words. No talking. Just silence. They might as well get used to it.

...

Shuichi yawned, today took a lot out of him. Despite keeping it mostly together. Maybe it was all the sleepless nights taking their full impact. It started to rain outside. Rain never helped the depressing tired mood. He picked up Kokichi’s scarf. Giving it one kiss before setting it on his dresser. He didn’t know how he could just… move on.

He picked up his phone, wanting to take him off his mind. But the first thing he sees is the last text message Kokichi sent him. He took a deep breath, looking at the image. It was them when they took that selfie. With a text saying “We look Puuuurrrrfect together!” He shut off his phone.

It didn’t stir up any feelings of sorrow. It just enhanced the empty pit in his chest. It stung nonetheless. He noticed he hadn’t truly smiled since he found out about Kokichi’s coma. It hurt more than he liked to admit. But he cried his tears already. They were like clouds traveling from land to ocean to land again. Sure it stormed at one time but the clouds were collecting more water and eventually, it would rain again.

He lay down in bed. Despite it being far from the time he typically went to sleep. He stared up at the ceiling. His eyes have been left dull since the news of his death. Empty. It’s how he’s been feeling. Like someone took a tool you’d hollow out pumpkins with and raked it across the inside of his heart. Dumping it’s content into the trash. Never to be brought back.

Now with his now empty heart, he carves a smile onto the front. As if he was completely fine. Even though from each cut he bled out the aching pain of his very being. Making him want to scream with all his shattered heart for Kokichi to just come back. But instead he lights a candle and places it inside his fake smile. Giving it an unnatural light. A light a professional liar could sense was not true brightness. Not ones that a happy smile produced, but one of a heartbroken person.

Shuichi hugged his knees, burying his broken head into a world he knows so well he can’t escape. For the first time in a long time. He felt utterly alone. He knew he had Kaede, Kaito...everyone else. But his heart testified that he was suffering from true loneliness. Pathetic. He called it. Could he not live without Kokichi? He’s been breathing before he met him. Surely he could pull off the same thing now.

Yet even through that comforting thought, his lungs felt crushed and breathing came out like he didn’t know what he was doing. Pathetic. Truly.

Soon the haziness of his heart and mind came together to get his body to relax. Upon doing so, he fell into a dreamless unconsciousness.

__________________

“—boss texted me and said my work was appreciated. ‘Come back soon!’ Of course he realizes I’m good once I’m gone! Ha!”

Shuichi's eyes widened in shock.

"K...Kokichi?" 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'sa little short, but! Next chapter will be longer! I promise!

Shuichi blinked. That was his voice. That was Kokichi’s voice. He looked around quickly, confused and panicked. They were moving, on a bus. His heartbeat quickened. This was a nightmare, wasn’t it. It had to be. He looked at the boy next to him. Eyes wide open, unsure how to take this. This felt real. Too detailed to be a dream. “I-I thought your boss hated you.” That's what he said last time right? Was he supposed to have this much thought in a dream?

“He doesn’t, but the people do! I have the best rated service! I’ve even gotten Christmas cards from them before. He doesn’t fire me because I am the reason he gets money!”

He shook his head. Trying to snap out of it. Kokichi was next to him. He was breathing. He was...alive. Shuichi probably should of thought before he acted. His body thinking faster than his mind could catch up. He cupped Kokichi’s face and kissed him. Yes. He felt real. The warmth in his cheek was real. Kokichi went limp for 2 seconds before reacting. “How bold of you Shuichi! In public too! What ever happened to no PDA? Hm?” He giggled. 

He giggled. That sound he’s learned to savor. Shuichi looked him up and down. Everything was the same. His voice. His laugh. His eyes. His everything was real. “Kokichi…” He muttered, the other looked at him. “Yes Shuichi? What’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!~” He snickered. 

He has. He was looking at one. He grabbed Kokichi’s hand. It wasn’t cold. Warm. “You alright Shuichi?” The other seemed to be genuinely asking. Shuichi didn’t know how he looked but surely crazy. “Y-Yes...more than alright, actually.” He held the others hand tighter. Soaking in the fact that Kokichi was alive. Drinking in his presence. He didn’t know how to react. He was in a deep state of shock, all he could do was stare. Stare at this amazing person in front of him. 

Arguing was heard in the front of the bus. Shuichi’s head shot up. Then looking at Kokichi who looked interested. If he walked up there. He would get the injuries that would eventually kill him. It suddenly hit him. He was too distracted by Kokichi to remember. This bus was going to crash. 

Kokichi didn’t know that yet. He was going to see what was going on. He didn’t know what to say or do. He hadn’t the time to think. Not clearly anyway. “What’s going on now?” Kokichi asked. Like he did the first time. He looked away from Shuichi, leaving his hand empty. “W-Wait, there probably fighting about something stupid…” Shuichi said. Wanting Kokichi not to go up there. “I’m gonna go find out!” He cheered happily. Shuichi opened his mouth to say something but no words came. 

The arguing got louder and the bus lurched forwards, coming to a sudden halt. His heart jumped into his throat, knowing what was coming next. He shot up, wanting to pull Kokichi back. “WAIT...!” He screamed, but it was too late. Something slammed into the side of the bus, knocking Shuichi to hit the glass hard. The flames came, he whimpered, feeling himself slipping away. 

Kokichi would be taken out but run back. 

He would die. 

And Shuichi blacked out. 

_______________ 

He woke up with a gasp. His alarm going off. He never set an alarm last night… Only on the day of Kokichi’s...funeral. He shot out of bed and checked his phone. It was… today. That was today. It was still Wednesday. He saw his clothes he’d wear set on his dresser. He prepared the night before. 

This day. 

Was happening again. 

He was panicking like he was when he saw Kokichi again. Trying to piece it together. Did he have time? Kaede was supposed to pick him up. He ignored his hands shaking so much and grabbed his outfit. Putting it on. If this day was happening again, he had no choice but to go through with it. 

He traced a finger over his lips. That kiss. That was a real kiss. If only Kokichi wasn’t so shocked then he would of felt him kiss back. He needed to figure this out. He needed time. But he saw Kaede pull up in front of his house. Did that mean he had to act like all that never happened? He took a deep breath. Trying to calm down. But he was going to see Kokichi get buried again. He couldn’t get over that so easily. 

Just like last time, Kaede drove in silence to the church. Giving him the same worried glances. They pulled into the parking lot for the church and Shuichi got out of the car without much difficulty this time. Making sure to look more depressed than panicky. He looked away when he saw the coffin at the front of the church. He sat in the same pew as the last time. This time he wasn’t caught up in his feelings for Kokichi. He looked around and this time noticed the women sitting at the side. 

Kokichi’s mother. Looking depressed and sad. Her head low and a tissue in hand. No one approached her, completely unseen. Kaede was at the piano, playing Kokichi’s favorite song. It hurt his heart. This was happening all over again. When he thought he was done with it. It was overwhelming. He zoned out. Not even paying attention to who arrived. He knew. He knew what they’d say. He knew how this would all go. 

Like last time, the carried the casket down the aisle, Kokichi’s mother came over to him. To confess and thank him. “—to talk to me anyway. Thank you for hearing me out.” Shuichi felt a strong pity for her. He felt like she was re-living this too. Even if she didn’t know it. She regretted her decisions as a parent. How much deeper could she get to relieve that? She couldn’t. Kokichi was dead, and that was the person she wanted to cradle one more time. 

“No... thank you… and please don’t feel bad. There wasn’t anything we could’ve done. And… if it helps, he did care for you. Even if he never showed it.” He didn’t remember exactly what he said last time but it was around that. They left for the cemetery. Like last time. 

They gathered at the place Kokichi would be buried. He hated the sight. Anger and confusion guiding his way. Replacing any sadness that he previously had. He didn’t pay attention too much. It all was so strange to him. 

“Shuichi..? You coming?” Kaede asked gently. Shuichi flinched, forgetting he still had a role to play. “A-Ah… um, in a few… I just need a minute.” He said. Kaede nodded. Leaving to go wait in the car. Once she was gone, he looked around at the now empty cemetery. “Angie!” He called out. “I know you’re here! Please come out!” 

And suddenly Angie was there. She didn’t walk there or run. She just appeared with a small gust of wind. “Nyahaha! You want answers don’t you?” So she remembered the first time she told him. “Yes. Angie, I woke up back on that bus. I lived through the crash again. T-Tell me… what was that?” His throat was choking up again. But it wasn’t sadness. It was a mixture of confusion and fear. 

“Ah! My dear Shuichi! You had the chance to save Kokichi. Clearly you failed, or else you wouldn’t be attending his funeral.” She said darkly. Shuichi ran his fingers through his hair. “W-What do you mean? You mean I could of saved him? I-I...I-I went back in time?” His voice took a higher pitch by the end of his sentence. In complete disbelief. “Isn’t that devine? Atua granted you your heart's desire and gave you the chance to save him. He tells me that you can save him. Praise be Atua! For your gifts upon this man!” 

Shuichi’s jaw dropped. There was no way he went back in time. But it would explain everything. How everything felt so real, how he was able to relive this day. “D-Do I still have chances to save him? O-Or was that my… only chance?” He feared the answer. If that was his last chance then… he might as well throw himself off a bridge. “Oh no no no! Atua knows well you didn’t know what you were doing! You are given as many chances as you need, but!” 

There was always a catch. “...You mustn't lose faith. You lose faith, you lose Kokichi. For good.” Her look darkening as she said that. Shuichi shivered. “So...So I have time? I-I could save him?” She nodded cheerfully. “Now go! Go! You are keeping Kaede waiting! Atua wishes you luck!” She waved as he left to go to Kaede. “And Shuichi, some advice.” He turned to look at her. “Don’t die.” Then a gust of wind blew past his face, and she was gone. 

He went back to Kaede. This time with a spring in his step. 

He could save Kokichi.


	8. Being Repetitive is One Key to Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dozakh
> 
> (n.) a place of torment one believes they are in when separated from their lover; hell

Kaede dropped him off home and left. He entered his home and went straight to his bedroom. Changing out of his clothes and into others. He had to think this out carefully. He had to find a way to get them both out without any serious casualties.

He sat on the edge of his bed. He had to be smart about this. If he woke up on the bus, right after Kokichi said something about his boss. Then he had a good 12 minutes before the bus crashed. How was he to save Kokichi? If he kept Kokichi next to him, both of them probably would die. And that creepy warning from Angie was probably meant to be taken seriously. He wasn’t to die whilst saving Kokichi. Or both would end up dead. He would just have to try right? And not kill himself in the process. “How am I suppose to save you?” He asked the air. It was scary to think about. Everything rode on his decisions.

He looked at his phone, wanting to see Kokichi’s text. However, nothing was there. There was no selfie or punny text message. “Ah...that’s right, he never took that selfie of us…” Since Shuichi was too absorbed in Kokichi being alive, Kokichi never got the chance. He laid on his bed. At this point he could just experiment, right? Well, really no one was sure. Especially him.

He closed his eyes to greet his nightmare.

______________

“— wow, my boss texted me and said my work was appreciated. ‘Come back soon!’ Of course he realizes I’m good once I’m gone! Ha!”

Kokichi’s voice graced his ears. He blinked a couple times. Turning to Kokichi with a small smile. Holding himself back from smothering the other. “I bet it’s because you’re the one that people like.” He reasoned. Kokichi nodded. “That’s right! I’m the one raking in the money! I should get more tips!” He texted back his boss. Shuichi didn’t care what he was saying, he was just having difficulty keeping his hands to himself.

For now he had to figure out how to prevent the others death. He looked around for any helpful clues. All these people around him would die. Except one women, lucky her. He assumed he could do something when Kokichi got up to see what the arguing was about. This time Kokichi took a selfie of them both. Just like the first time, he posted it and texted it to Shuichi.

Soon the arguing started. “What do you think that’s about?” Shuichi asked before Kokichi could. “Hmm, maybe the drivers drunk or something! I doubt that though. He’s been doing a good job this whole ride here. So maybe he passed a red light and the people next to him are trying to back seat drive?” Suddenly Kokichi stood up as if he forgot something. “I’m gonna see what it’s about.” He said quickly. Confusing Shuichi, but he proceeded to the front anyway. “W-Wait! Kokichi!” He stood up to go after him.

Wrong timing. Middle of the bus and Shuichi froze. How stupid. The bus stopped short and he was flung forward. Hitting the floor, he heard a similar thud from whom he assumed was Kokichi. The other scrambled to his feet while Shuichi was still processing it. He looked up and almost like it was in slow motion he saw the look of horror on Kokichi’s face, reaching out to him. Shuichi was on his feet by that moment. It didn’t last long before the truck crashed into the side of the bus.

Shuichi was thrown to the side. Slamming harder into the wall of the bus. Instantly, he was knocked out.

_________

He woke up with a irritated sigh. Frustrated with himself. This time he had a headache. Looking down he noticed he had a bandaged arm. An injury he must of sustained during this crash. His other arm had scars that indicated burns. More visible. But he could worry about himself later.

He had a funeral to attend to.

He hated how repetitive this was. He could only re-watch his lovers burial so many times before it was edged into his mind. He hasn’t had a real sleep since this whole thing started. Was he even getting sleep in the first place? Or did the awareness that sleep gave come with waking up in this time? He quickly got dressed before Kaede came.

They were soon at the church and he was eyeing Angie. Who was acting like everything was going to be fine. In a way, was she depending on Shuichi to save Kokichi? Ha. It’s a lot harder than it looks. Not like he could just drag him out. Shuichi was the one who kept getting dragged out. The bus exploded. Hard to save someone who gets paralyzed. In case Angie didn’t know, changing what was written in the stars was difficult.

No. That was an understatement.

Far more than difficult. It was frustrating, painful both emotionally and physically. Resisting to touch the face of your dead lover. Because after weeks of being in a coma, he finally died. Days after his death Shuichi knew he wouldn’t see that smile again. It hurt. He wanted the other to see the pain he was in. To hear his soothing words. But Kokichi was oblivious to the fact that in just a couple minutes his eyes would close for the last time.

He wanted to warn him. But what would that do? It would scare him. Kokichi has shown discomfort in the area of death. Kokichi never wanted to die young. He was one of those people who searched for the silver lining and grabbed it.

Soon Kokichi’s mother came up to him. Saying exactly what she said two times before. He listened, making a mental notes of her words. Hopefully to use them in the future. He nodded off to what she said. Trading, giving her his words of affirmation. Then leaving to watch Kokichi get buried. Again.

He closed his eyes to the lowering of the casket. He hated watching it happen. You would think that you would get used to it after watching it so many times. There was probably more times to come. They left and he told Kaede he just needed another minute before she could ask. He watched her walk away. Turning to call out to Angie. But a small breeze blew past and she was there.

“I see Shuichi is having a difficult time.” She pointed out. Shuichi scoffed. “You think? It’s not easy… and this is only the second time of reliving this! Angie, is there truly a way save him..?” He was already losing hope. Only two times in and his determination was weakening. “You are losing faith.” That dark voice invaded his head. “N-No… I-I’ll still try, I just want to know if it’s truly possible to save him without getting myself killed…” At this point it seemed either him or Kokichi. And he didn’t like any of those options.

“There is a reason that proof doesn’t come before belief.” She said. Waving a finger at him. “What does that mean?” Shuichi wasn’t too religious. If this was a reference then he’s lost. “If it did, then one would lose faith and run around confidently preaching what they don't truly believe. But since there is proof, then it must be true.” Her gaze never leaving his stare. Eyes locked. “Atua is guiding the way, may no more questions be asked.”

Then she was gone. “Angie! Wait! What was does that mean!?” He yelled, but receiving no answer. He turned back to Kokichi’s grave. “I-I don’t understand this… what have you gotten me into?” after that he left back to go home. Making his third attempt.

Once arriving home, walking straight to his room.

He needed to actually come up with a plan. Kokichi acted strange last time. Almost like he had to and needed to see what the people were arguing about. He really didn’t need to. The look of horror on his face was...real. Too real. He’s never seen Kokichi so scared. Like he was trying to accomplish something life or death. Which in his case, it technically was.

He had to. There was no choice, and if he didn’t something bad would happen.

He thought of a couple ideas and laid back on his bed. Shutting his eyes to try again.

______________

“Hm, wow, my boss texted me and said my work was appreciated. ‘Come back soon!’ Of course he realizes I’m good once I’m gone! Ha!”

Shuichi sighed, he needed to focus. “You are the one who brings in the money…” He said. Kokichi nodded, “I should be manager! I’d be better than him any day!” he cheered happily. Soon Kokichi asked to take the selfie and posted it. Now he had a good 9 minutes before the crash. It wasn’t like he could prevent the crash all together. Something had to happen on the bus. Could he move Kokichi to another seat? Maybe stay on the left...He knew everyone on the right side of the bus all died.

The ones on the left, where Shuichi and Kokichi sat now, had a slightly better chance of living. But other people sat on the left side like them, and that women in a couple seats ahead was the only one to live. Was it just a roll of the dice? Shuichi was playing a dangerous game. Gambling with his own life and throwing around Kokichi’s. As much as he hated to put it that way, it was what he was doing. It was almost a selfish act. As long as Shuichi lived, then he got another chance to save Kokichi.

The arguing started. Shuichi bit his lip, clearly nervous. “What’s going on now?” Kokichi asked with that innocence. “Don’t go up to see what’s happening...please.” Kokichi gave him a look Shuichi couldn’t read. A mix between confusion, shock, and determination. “Oh, but I want to! We’ll never know unless I find out!” Kokichi stood up, but so did Shuichi. “No...nothing good with come out of that!” He tried, but Kokichi ran to the front.

Before the bus jerked forwards. “Kokichi! W-Wait...!” He wasn’t doing something right. He’s picking the wrong time, or saying the wrong thing. “...Please!” Not again. He’d have to live through his funeral again. “KOKICHI!” Yelling wouldn’t do anything. He knew that. It wouldn’t stop the tanker from hitting the side of the bus. The impact came seconds later. As did the blow that would reset time.

____________

He woke up with a frustrated groan. Getting out of bed to pound his fist in the wall. “I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to see his funeral again...I-I don’t want to!” He cried. He knew he had no choice. If he didn’t show up, he didn’t know if he could try and save Kokichi again. He didn’t know why Kokichi had to see what they were doing. It wasn’t necessary. It frustrated him to tears.

He had no clue what he was doing, if he tried something too dangerous, then he would die and so would Kokichi. It was pointless. His tactic wasn’t working and he had to try again. He wanted to have a break. Just to pause this game and avoid reset. It’s what it felt like. He could almost see the GAME OVER letters floating in front of his face. Taunting him. Reminding him that this level still needed to be beaten.

He couldn’t lose faith. He couldn’t. Or else Kokichi would be dead forever. It was either now or never. Despite hating both options. He got ready for the funeral.

 


	9. His All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't go back and  
>  change the beginning,  
> but you can start where  
> you are and change the  
> ending."
> 
> -C.S. Lewis

Again and again.

Time after time.

Crash through crash.

Shuichi still woke up to the same day.

Over and over again.

Sometimes he’d wake up and cry. Not because he was scared, or was hurt. But because this was insanity. He tried escaping through the emergency exits. He’s attempted shielding him from the impact. It never went down the way Shuichi hoped. Over time, he noticed he was getting at least 2 more seconds before the crash occurred. He used those two seconds to his advantage. Even so, failure seemed unavoidable.

Thirty

Three

Times.

33 times he’s seen Kokichi run to his death. 34 times he’s seen Kokichi get buried. He felt like some otherworldly being was mocking him. Holding the possible chance that Kokichi could live above his head. Teasing him like a starving dog. Was it so wrong to want to hold him? To want to feel his breath against him? Even if they’ve been in a relationship for a long time, there was still much to uncover about Kokichi.

He wanted Kokichi to let him know it was alright. Because this was gradually breaking him. The only thing he really spoke to and paid attention to has been Kokichi’s mother and Angie. He could recite what Kokichi’s mother wanted to say. And truthfully, he didn’t mind. She was useful, in a way. He got to ask something that was on his mind, even if it was out of the blue.

“Sorry to ask… but do you know why Kokichi always carried around that checkered scarf?” She was shocked by the question. She remained silent for a small bit. “Well… the reasoning… I always picked on him for it. I shouldn’t of…” She frowned, seemingly thinking hard on her words. “He… when he was little, I would shut him in his room when I didn’t feel like dealing with his tantrums. I...I was going through a hard time in my life and it came to a point where I couldn’t pay the bills. Sometimes leaving our home freezing cold into the nights of winter….”

Shuichi could only assume Kokichi’s father stepped out of the picture somewhere. Maybe he had no relationship to talk about in the first place. “...I would sometimes forget that I locked Kokichi in his room. The poor darling… I-I’d leave him in there to freeze...but, he must’ve grown desperate, because he learned how to pick the lock from the inside and get out. At the time… I was guilty for leaving him alone for hours, so in order to stop him from crying all the time, I shoved a tattered old scarf into his small wanting hands. Sure enough, his wailing would stop.”

Shuichi nodded along, understanding for himself why Kokichi might of grown attached to that item. She continued, “...he stopped picking the lock to his room when I put him in there. He would just hug it close to him. Only around 5 to 6 years old and he treated it like a person. As he grew older, I noticed he still hadn’t gotten sick of the item and I tried to get it away from him. I ripped it in half when he was 12.” Shuichi hid his judgments. He disagreed with this way of parenting, but he really had no place to judge.

“...He didn’t react at all. No screaming or crying like I expected. He just stared at me. It was the first time I feared my son… Something about that empty stare… I discarded the pieces of that old checkered scarf in the trash where it belonged. I never saw him with it again. But later I discovered he went back to get it. He carried it around in secret. I’m sorry Shuichi… but I don’t know why he loved it so much… it must of been one of those objects I didn’t take away sooner...He was just a child who wanted a pacifier. Something comforting… It’s my only guess…”

Shuichi could sense the amount of guilt and shame she carried around on her shoulders. She wanted him back as much as Shuichi did. She blamed herself for such horrible parenting. These confessions were more easier to get because of Kokichi’s death. If she was as horrible as she thinks she is, then she wouldn’t be talking like this. Shuichi found himself hugging her. This poor women had no husband to love her. No child to coddle. No family to support her in any time of need.

He could tell she was silently crying. She was easy to hug, only about two inches taller than Kokichi would be. She hugged back, “...I was wrong about you Shuichi Saihara… you’re everything I wanted my son to have…” Shuichi felt his heart warm at the words. What he said next, he knew she wouldn’t understand. But he said them anyway, making a promise. “...One day I’ll bring you two together… I promise… Just have faith.”

_____________

Back in his room, he held the scarf in his hands. Feeling the fabric against his palm. The rough and ripped edges of this scarf fit the fact that it was ripped at one point. So this truly was Kokichi’s baby blanket? In a sense? Completely understandable if Kokichi never wanted to share that. A boy who declares himself an evil supreme leader clearly could not be caught hanging onto something like that.

Maybe Kokichi’s mother was right. Kokichi used it as a comfort. Maybe a coping mechanism for the cold or neglect he might of endured. Shuichi had something like that as a child. Even into his teen years. A hat with a star on the side. Helping him through social situations. Once Kokichi came around, he always constantly complained about the hat. Bugging Shuichi enough to put the hat down.

Was it the same way with the scarf? He still wears it, maybe not 24/7 as he did when they first met. Did Shuichi become his comfort? The thought of it put heat in his cheeks. Kokichi must be embarrassed about his childhood. As far as he’s heard and pieced together, Kokichi was a very emotional child. Throwing fits so often his mother resulted in locking him in a room to shut up. That kind of behavior… he noticed still lingered in Kokichi.

Not that he threw tantrums like a child. It was the fake tears. The loud obnoxious wailing Kokichi would use to get his way. But that tactic was used on petty things. Like wanting the last cookie or getting Shuichi on his side of the argument instead of Kaito’s. The real tears were much like his mothers. Silent. Eyes searching for something they desperately wanted.

He assumed that Kokichi, like any child, couldn’t control his emotions. So they came out in burst of anger or sadness. So when he wanted something and was denied in anyway, screaming and crying was inevitable. Of course Kokichi, self proclaimed evil leader, wouldn’t want that information to get around.

Shuichi himself as a child, was nothing like Kokichi. A silent boy who did what he was told in fear of getting a time out. Getting the disappointed look on his parents face was enough to break him into tears. Not being excepted was his greatest weakness. Of course he would have those moments where he would kick and scream. His father handed him off to a maid who took him to a room. Having him sit in the corner with crayons and paper to scribble out his frustrations.

A very docile angry. The worst he’s done was snap all the crayons in half and waited to see if anyone yelled at him for it. Of course, all they did was replace the crayons. Shuichi did that to get some sort of reaction or attention from the adults around him. It proved fruitless, but it was still an attempt. Maybe it was what Kokichi did, as a child and with Shuichi. Kokichi being the little kid, wanted the attention of his mother so he did things she might of taken the wrong way.

Kokichi does that still. Or… did. Cutting his finger… burning his hand… getting himself hurt to get a rise out of him. For Shuichi to react. To jump at the sight and rush to his aid. Shuichi found himself smiling. The tears in his eyes were a mixture of happiness and the aching pain of missing him. Sure he’s been seeing him but it wasn’t the same. Kokichi treated the moment like nothing. Not appreciating it.

Kokichi didn’t know… He just didn’t know… the water he treaded in was too deep. He would drown. Every time Shuichi tried to reach out, he’d always be too late. This time. This time he would save him. He didn’t care if he hurt Kokichi in the process. His life was more important than his feelings in this situation.

The rain started coming down harder outside. Shuichi laid down. The rain always made a tired mood more depressing.

__________

 

Shuichi reawoken into this world with more confidence. It would be about a minute before Kokichi would text his boss. It would be his time to act. This time. He was going to make sure. It was the last time he sees Kokichi die.

“Hm, wow, my boss texted me and said my work was appreciated. ‘Come back soon!’ Of course he realizes I’m good once I’m gone! Ha!”

Shuichi was too well versed with that saying. “You’re so amazing even he is starting to realize it.” He said with a smile. Kokichi paused before responding, “Well duh! Even the most idiotically blind plebs could tell I’m amazing!” He switched from the texting app to the camera. “Aaaand this amazing person needs to be seen with the smartest person! Say best week ever!”

The picture was taken, posted and sent to Shuichi. Who was really taking in the scene of this bus. Nothing could go wrong. At least, that’s what it felt like. Same drafty air, people with their phones in their lap or headphones in. Going to their next stop. Some even tourists and others probably heading home from work. Shuichi wished he could save them all but… life was just unfair. Somethings were just not in his power.

The death of these lives would happen. Whether now or in the future. Although feared by a majority of people, death didn’t seem as bad as witnessing it. To not accept your own death would be a painful and treacherous path to take. Struggling to maintain life while your body just couldn’t handle the beating of it’s own heart.

People die miserable that way. A bad ending. Those who accept their own death and die with smiles on their faces are ones many may say “they lived a good life” for. People rest easy with the thought that their loved ones had a fulfilling time on earth and now are enjoying the next step. If there even was one.

However, to accept the death of another was a different ball game. Especially if they were young, or important to your life. An emptiness that most can’t bare alone. Shuichi knew for a fact he couldn’t. Leaning on Kaede like a life support. He wasn’t ready to let Kokichi go. Not today, not tomorrow, not in a hundred years would he imagine himself moving on from such a pure tainted heart. What ever being Angie was, what ever power she had. He thanked with all his heart.

Today held the moment he’d save Kokichi. Once and for all. To end all that heartache his death brought to others.

And it all started with the arguing.

Before Kokichi could say anything on it, he stood up to walk to the front. Immediately getting a reaction from Kokichi. “W-Wait! Shuichi! What are you doing?!” He sounded frantic. Shuichi turned to look at him. “To try something else…” He said back, confusing Kokichi. “Don’t go up there!” he stood up to grab Shuichi’s hand.

Shuichi prayed Kokichi would forgive him for this. “No, I’m sorry, But I’m not re-watching this again.” His voice was low. He shoved Kokichi back in his seat. Getting an appalled look from him. “N-No! Don’t. Listen to me, you can’t go up there!” Kokichi’s voice more desperate and angry. Shuichi shook his head quickly. Time was running out. The arguing got louder. “Kokichi! You listen to me! I know what I’m doing!”

The other stood up again. “You can’t lie to a professional liar Shuichi.” Okay. So he didn’t know what he was doing. “Kokichi. Stay here.” He hit the other harder, forcing him to sit down. Getting a hurt expression from him. Shuichi wanted to apologize and tell him that he didn’t mean it, but the bus lurched forwards.

Shuichi ran to the spot he’s found that was safe. The same spot where the women that survived the first crash was. Maybe he was stealing her life, maybe him taking her place would kill her, but he had a couple more seconds before— Shuichi hit the bus walls hard as the tanker truck slammed into the bus. The heavy momentum crashing the bus onto its side. Shuichi’s head throbbed but he didn’t black out.

Fire engulfed the bus, smoke clouded the inside and he found himself coughing violently. The smoke burned his eyes and scorched his lungs. He pushed through the pain, eyes locked on the roof escape of the bus. The mental handle to the hatch was heated up by the ever growing flames, it was only a matter of minutes- no, seconds, before the inferno reached the full tank of gasoline.

He slammed his body weight against the escape. Busting it open. He looked for Kokichi, he must not be dead yet since he wasn’t being sent back to wake up in his room. He covered his mouth and nose with his shirt as he climbed over the seats where the blaze raged. He couldn’t see, blinded, he grabbed Kokichi where he knew he’d be. Stumbling over the seats again, he used his other hand to hurry his way out.

When he felt the opening he pushed Kokichi out first. He followed behind, as close as possible. He felt the ground of the road with his hands. Despite the amount of nauseating pain he was in, he smiled. He had to get away from the impending blast. So he picked Kokichi up and on shaking legs he tried his best to rush out of the path of danger, but he could hear hundreds of people around. Sirens and screams.

Kokichi’s form hung limply from his arms, unconscious. He could only hold so much on his own. His knees weakly hit the ground but he didn’t drop Kokichi. He held him close. The loud chaos around them turned to a muffled numb ringing. The tears rolling down his cheeks fell freely. He pleaded with the unknown power to let him live through this. Shuichi tried his best. He gave his all. He wanted to see that Kokichi was okay, but his eyes didn’t allow it. So he found his face with his hands. His cheeks warm. Alive. He laughed weakly, feeling himself fading.

He kissed Kokichi’s forehead. Not caring about the world around him. As far as he knows it’s non-existent. When the world went silent and he couldn’t feel anything,

He knew he was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strength,
> 
> doesn't come from what you can do.
> 
> It comes from overcoming the things  
> you once thought you couldn't.

He hesitated to open his eyes. He felt he was lying on a bed, it made him worry. There was a pain in his ribs, and a stinging in different places on his skin. His head carrying an uncomfortable headache. He took up enough courage to open his eyes. He squinted, seeing overly white walls and bright lights. But he knew for a fact that this wasn’t his room.

He looked around wide eyed, monitor… IV in his arm… Shuichi has never been so happy to be in a hospital bed. He heard footsteps and saw the door open. Revealing a nurse. She quietly gasped, eyeing him as if he were a rare creature. “Amazing… you should have died from that collision…” She checked over his vitals, still astonished.

Shuichi didn’t need to know, but it’s how he got his answers last time. “...What happened?” the question was almost laughable. “You were on a bus, going down 33rd street when a fuel truck hit your bus… you suffered from a broken rib, 2nd degree burns and a mild concussion. It’s a miracle you survived, only 2 people out of the 10 people on survived.” He looked at her with hope in his gaze. “Who is the other person?”

She smiled gently, something someone might do to brush away the sadness. “A young man. Did you have friends on that bus with you?” Of course it might be bad news for him, if that young man wasn’t his friend. “Yes… A boy with purple hair…” Her look brightened. “Yes, that is the boy that survived. His condition is more delicate…” Shuichi frowned, “What do you mean? How is he hurt?”

She thought for a moment, “Oh don’t worry! I’m sure he’ll be fine! His shoulder is just fractured with 2nd degree burns like yours. He has a moderate to severe concussion… but nothing that can’t be helped!” She smiled optimistically. “Just rest, we have visitors for you but I won’t let them in until you heal up a little bit more.” She left to let him sleep in peace.

And it’s what Shuichi did. He didn’t know if time travel affected the body in any way, but he was exhausted.

…

He shifted his head slightly, slowly opening his eyes.

So it wasn’t a dream. He really did save Kokichi… he was alive.

“He’s awake!”

“Shuichi? How are you feeling?”

Then he noticed the two people at his bedside. “...ah, hey Kaede...and Kaito.” He laughed inwardly at how tired he sounded regardless of how long he slept for. “Shuichi, you had me worried sick! I’d hug you right now but I might hurt you.” Kaede said, looking at him with the worry she spoke of. “Hey Shuichi, how's my sidekick holding up?” Kaito asked with his smile, a calm and gentle one. Shuichi sighed, “...I could be better, when did you guys arrive?”

“I came in this morning and Kaito came in the night of. That crash… Shuichi are you sure you’re okay? Hundreds of people took videos. I’ve seen them on YouTube. It...it’s horrible.” Kaede said with a huff. “...Could I see a video? The best one you can find?” Kaito looked at him shyly, “...Are you sure?” Shuichi nodded. Kaito looked at Kaede. She shrugged, he pulled out his phone. It didn’t take long to get a video.

He presented the phone to him and pressed play. The person was the same guy who recorded the first time he was in the hospital, 34 crashes ago. Funny how after all this time, everything was set back and played again. In the video, the bus was already on fire. At the angle they were at they had a good view of the side that Shuichi would come from. The recorder shifted to the front of the crowd, getting a better view of the person coming out of the escape. “Is that you?” Kaede asked, giving Kaito a challenging look. Shuichi fought back his smile. “...yes, it is.”

Kaito laughed, “Ah HA! I told you it was him! I told you!” Kaede rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s hard to see in the dark. Lucky guess.” Shuichi chuckled at the bickering. Kaito had that proud look, “And that’s Kokichi you were carrying out? That’s my sidekick for you! Saving the day! Our training must of paid off!” Shuichi nodded, not once did he think it was because of the training, but maybe it could of been. “I have a good teacher…” He said, knowing Kaito would appreciate it.

“Hey! Don’t let him steal your credit! You did amazing Shuichi, you looked like a superhero!” She rewinded the video and paused it at a certain time. “Just look! Flames behind you and you stand with your rescued victim in your arms! Maybe I’ll get Angie to recreate it! It’s so awesome!”

“Hey… Is Kokichi awake yet?” He asked quietly, hoping to get the answer he wanted to hear. “Oh! Ah, yes, I’m pretty sure he is!” She smiled, Shuichi found a lie in that statement. “You’re not sure?” She pouted, “Man, you’re good at this… Well, not entirely. If you’re awake, then he should be too right?” Not the best deduction he’s heard, but it’ll do.

“...Maybe, I did hear he had a concussion and a fractured shoulder. I’m no doctor so I wouldn’t know if that deters waking up…” Kaede looked up optimistically. “If you want I could find out! You must be worried about him. I’ll only be a minute!” She left the room on her mission. He spoke with Kaito for awhile before she came back.

He looked at her expectantly. “I have good news and bad news! The bad news is he’s not awake yet… the good news is that a doctor told me he’ll make a fine recovery!” Shuichi didn’t mind that one bit. As long as he had a recovery. A successful recovery. He was fine.

_______________

He didn’t spend too long in the hospital. All he was being treated for was the burns that covered his arms. It was as painful as the first time he went through the whole healing process. But not once did he complain.

Pain medication helped with the broken rib, really. It stung to cough and sometimes breathe. He was promised improvement by 4 weeks and full recovery by 6. Coughing was sometimes unavoidable with the slight damage to his lungs from smoke inhalation. Not the best combination of injuries.

He hasn’t been able to see Kokichi yet and he’s been as patient as possible. With all his attention from the doctors, nurses, and get well soon cards from the rest of his 14 friends. His schedule was packed with recovery. Kaede has been trying to keep him up to pace with Kokichi’s progress. He was finally awake and going through the same thing. Kaede said she successfully visited him twice but each time he seemed distracted. And several times he requested to see him.

“When...will I be able to see him?” Shuichi asked as she told him the report. “I did ask, they said you have permission next week.” His shoulders dropped, “Ah… alright, next week then.” Kaede frowned, “I’m sorry it couldn’t be sooner… I know you’ve been waiting. Do you want me to ask if you could visit before then? Maybe they’ll make an exception!” She smiled cheerfully, but Shuichi didn’t want that.

“No… They aren’t letting anymore see him because of his physical and maybe mental state… if he needs more time to heal without interruption then time will be given. I’m more than willing to wait.” Although he wanted to come off stronger than he did, disappointment was clear. “But you’ve been waiting for a long time, surly they should of let you in by the second week…”

The way she spoke almost made it sound like she knew how long he’s truly been waiting. He knows she has no memory of what he went through. Time became expendable for him. Whatever loop he was in couldn’t exactly be measured by time. It was events on repeat. Events he rather not see again and again. His nights now were still spent dreamless. Oddly enough. Nothing was seen, good or bad. He was almost grateful to that. There were no nightmares to show him the fiery prison on that bus, or to watch Kokichi get put in the ground.

If he could wait through all those funerals.

One week would be easy.

_____________

The day he could see Kokichi was the same day he was allowed to leave.

But he didn’t care. He was going to see Kokichi. No time loop. Not in a bus. Not in a coffin. You could say he was excited. Overjoyed.

He went alone to the room he was finally allowed in. Maybe he was excited but he was also nervous. The last thing he did to him was hit him into a seat that caused these injuries. Kokichi might be mad at him. He had every right to be. He hesitantly opened the door.

There was a silence. A moment people might take to double check if this was real or not. Shuichi stood in the doorway, looking at the boy who stared back at him with wide eyes. Shuichi wasn’t sure how to react. His mind said to casually walk over there and hug him but Kokichi had something else in mind.

Disregarding any hospital rules that might be against it, Kokichi threw the blankets off himself and jumped out of the bed. Shuichi didn’t expect the sudden reaction or the hug that collided into him. Kokichi seemed far from mad at him. His bandaged arms were locked tightly around Shuichi. Even though the doctors and nurses described him being in a weak state, the grip Kokichi had said otherwise.

Shuichi hugged him back just as tightly. Firm hold, but not enough to hurt the other. They stayed like that for a couple minutes, not long enough. Shuichi had tears in his eyes as he pulled away enough to see Kokichi face. With slightly shaky hands he cupped his soft cheeks. Thumbing away the tears that silently slid down Kokichi’s face.

“...You’re alive…” Kokichi muttered. His own hands coming up and setting on Shuichi’s.

“...So are you.” Shuichi replied, kissing Kokichi’s forehead. The other wasn’t satisfied, Shuichi could tell by the way Kokichi looked up at him. Wanting eyes searching for more. “...Why are you crying?” Shuichi asked softly. Kokichi looked down, taking his hands away from Shuichi’s to try and wipe his eyes. “...I-It felt like such a long t-time since I’ve seen you...a-alive!” He cried. He stopped attempting to wipe the tears away because more came anyway.

Shuichi guided the other back to the bed, sitting him down and taking the place next to him. “Tell me what you mean..” Shuichi coaxed gently. Reactions from him have recently been duller. From what happened to him, not much could get more bizarre. “...I-I lost count after 412… b-but I tried more times than that… you m-might know what I’m talking about because I know I failed… I know I shouldn’t be alive right now…”

Kokichi took a couple more deep breaths to calm down, holding Shuichi’s hand tightly. “...I know you know Shuichi… but to put it lightly, I’m the only one who remembers the original bus crash…” Shuichi picked apart his words to understand them. When it clicked, he gasped. “W-wait so you mean to tell me…”

He nodded, “...Yes, you aren’t the only one who kept waking up on that bus after a funeral.” Now things didn’t make sense. “But you died, you slipped into a coma and almost a month later you were gone… how were you able to get a into a time loop. And...412 times..?” Kokichi thought for a moment. “Slipped into a coma… that’s not a fun way to go. I know it’s hard to understand...but listen, and listen carefully because it’s a mouthful.”

Shuichi was more than patient. He nodded and Kokichi opened his mouth to explain.

“It felt so long ago… that this whole thing started… with just one crash too, I was on the bus with you, I’m sure you remember up until the arguing. In the first crash, the one that mirrored the rest… You were the one to get up and see what the bickering was about. I don’t know if you know what happened… but you were killed instantly when the tanker hit. I was pulled out by another stranger and woke up in this hospital room hours later.” Kokichi stopped, the next part seemed a little harder to talk about.

It was all news to Shuichi. His heart jumping at this thought. “Were you going to kill yourself…?” he asked in a whisper. Remembering what he said in the park.

_“I’m serious Shuichi. If you died, I’d follow suit.”_

“...I-I...I really wanted to.” Kokichi confessed. In the same tone of whisper. “...I promised to live through the funeral. That was it. End of story. But… once standing at your grave, Angie told be to believe in Atua and what not. I’m sure she did the same to you.”

_“May Atua guide your way! Kokichi had his chance, now it’s your turn.”_

“So I tried and tried… I hated s-seeing you die over and over again… Every time I went back I got two more seconds than the last time… it all started to add up when I was sent all the way back t-to the park. I thought I could get us not to take the bus but each time something bad happened! I-It was like no matter what I did you ended up dying! So I gave up… I gave up on trying to get us both out alive… s-so I… I made a choice… I decided to take your spot and go see the arguing… I knew I would die… But due to some miracle I was still conscious after the hit… no one went in to get you yet… so I-I did.. The next thing I know I wake up here… Now explain yourself Shuichi.”

Shuichi was lost for words. Really, he was. Of course he had no memory of this. Kokichi didn’t seem to remember either. Kokichi knew he died, but… “How? ...How did you know you died? Yet… you woke up.” Kokichi sighed, “It was because I woke up I knew I died.” Shuichi blinked, “...What?” Kokichi looked at him, “It makes sense if you remember where I should've woken up if I hadn’t been the one to die.” that’s right. He should’ve woken up in their bedroom. The morning of his funeral.

“It wasn’t fun to wake up either. It was hard to breath at first, like I hadn’t in a while. My head hurt and the burns stung twice as much as I know they should of. Waking up here… it either meant the loop broke or you were alive.” His voice was oddly low, his lips in a frown. “Now tell me. What happened. I remember you shoving me into the seat but after that I was knocked out. Tell me what you went through.” The way he asked made it sound like an order. Shuichi told him everything. From the moment he woke up and found out about the coma, all the way to the 34th time. The successful moment when he saved Kokichi.

“It only took you 34 times!?” He questioned in disbelief. “That’s unfair… I tried the thing you did to save me but I wasn’t strong enough to lift you up. The last time was my all. I should’ve died sooner.” He was clearly jealous. Shuichi had a question on his mind, if Kokichi really did attend his funeral. “Did… Did my parents go? To the funeral… I mean.”

Kokichi went silent. That was his habit. When the answer was obvious, he never responded. Shuichi stared at the floor. “...I see.” He muttered, his feelings a bit hurt. “...Your uncle was there.” Kokichi said, hoping to cheer him up. “He spoke to me for the first time, you know, properly.” Shuichi smiled slightly, “I’m glad, positive feelings towards you?” Kokichi nodded, “Yeah, he told me that he wished he was more around his only nephew than having his nose in detective work… Funny how they regret what they did when the person they love is gone.”

That reminded Shuichi of something important. “She was there…” He brought up, getting a confused look from Kokichi. “Who?” He looked Kokichi in his eyes. “Your mother, she was at your funeral.” Kokichi stared at him. “And what did she say to you.” he sounded ready to counter anything negative or rude thing she could of said. “...She told me that I was everything she ever wanted for her son.”

“She-… what..?” His look softened to something Shuichi couldn’t read. “...She… said that if she ever got the chance… she would apologize for being a terrible parent. For not being there for you when you needed it… She thanked me for giving you a life worth living. She regretted… she regretted shutting you out of her home. Sh-She only wished to tell you she loved you very much…” Thinking back on her words. How sweet and genuine they sounded… how much of her time and heart she put into that message she wanted Shuichi to hear….

“She meant every word… Kokichi.” The other was silent. Probably picking apart Shuichi’s words, trying to detect a lie. “...You’re not lying…” He murmured, saying it more to himself than to Shuichi. He knew Kokichi didn’t believe him. But there was no lie to contradict his words. So Shuichi must be telling the truth. “S-She won’t be so accepting of us now because I never died in this timeline. She won’t regret the things she’s done because I’m still alive.”

He had a point, but still. “...She still regrets it, this wasn’t a last second thought. If you showed up at her doorstep just to see her… it might mean more than you think.” Kokichi had his lips pressed in a thin line. “...Funny you say that because the last thing she told me was that I was a slutty fag who could go rot with the rest of the disgusting failures.” Shuichi sighed. “It was wrong of her, I know. She won’t come up to you because she thinks you won’t even look at her… She thinks you hate her.”

Kokichi cast his eyes down, seemingly guilty. Shuichi rubbed his arm, “I know you don’t, it’s just… never mind. We can speak about her later…” he kissed the side of Kokichi’s cheek. “...It’s been so long.” The other hummed, smiling, “Maybe… what are you suggesting detective?”

Shuichi put an arm around him, “...I say we finish that date.” Kokichi giggled. “...agreed.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll enjoyed how it ended up! I still have ONE more chapter planned. Kinda like a fluffy wrap up to see what happened to the two in the results of trauma. 
> 
> :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've only just realized how utterly exhausted and drained I am after living in a near constant state of fight-or-flight for so long."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other chapter could be a great ending but this is kinda like an extra cherry on top. Cuz, who doesn't love extra fluff?

“...mmm, Shuichi… please. Wake up...” He felt another kiss on his face, followed by two more. Shuichi mumbled something incoherent as he reached up to pull the person above him closer. “...What is’it…?” He asked slightly slurred.

He felt more kisses scatter his face as he sensed desperation. “...Kichi, Hey..” he pushed the other back just a bit. “What’s wrong..” He blinked in the dark room. Adjusting to the dimness took a minute. “...no…” a small murmur from the other before a tight hug. “...Kichi..?”

Shuichi felt teardrops and muffled whimpering. Kokichi clutched at the fabric of Shuichi’s shirt. The taller boy let a sad smile creep on to his face as he nudged the other. “...I think you’re the one that needs to wake up…” he whispered, carefully declawing Kokichi from his shirt. Instead, letting Kokichi hold his hand. “Can’t…” another small whisper.

Shuichi gently pushed him back to his side. Only for Kokichi to become a bit more restless. Turning his head from side to side as if to deny something. The silent tears turned into louder crying. Shuichi gentle shook him again. He clearly was having a nightmare. It would be the fourth that week. Not to mention his share of horrible, fire ridden dreams. “St-Stop...no not...again!” Shuichi knew if he didn’t wake him up now, then he’d start screaming. Meaning he hit a point in his dream where he got another opportunity to watch Shuichi burn to death.

“‘Kichi...wake up. I’m right here…” He whispered softly. He might need to be a bit louder. “...D-Don’t die…!” His voice cracked with the tears. Shuichi reached over to gently cup his cheek, just to stop his head from turning. “...I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere…” The same mantrum he repeats every time. Every night this happens. He was fine with it, he gets the same ear full from Kokichi when the tables turn.

Kokichi stopped moving so much once Shuichi’s hand was there. Only heavy breathing and muttered words Shuichi couldn’t make out. “...Wake up.” He whispered one more time. His results came quickly this time. Dark lavender eyes open to blink a couple times. He only glances around the room once, looking slightly panicked. But once registering Shuichi there, his eyes widen and arms immediately hook around him. Shuichi gladly returned the embrace, settling with an equally as tight hug.

“...did I... well, I did have another…Nightmare.” Kokichi mumbled. “...did I wake you up screaming this time…? Sorry…” Shuichi only shook his head and kissed the others forehead. “...No, just your sleep talking…” He assured, only eliciting a groan from the other. “This is why I hate sleeping… I hate… _this_.”

Shuichi knew what he was putting emphasis on. The nightmares. Or more specifically, the trauma. Both had to endure it together, and no help was offered. Of course… a therapist was an option… but talking about going back in time countless of days wasn’t exactly normal. Or maybe it was, and those around him who have just didn’t say anything are in fear of being called crazy. Like him. But he doubted that.

“Me too… but, It’s not like you can avoid sleep. Wouldn’t you rather have nightmares here instead of falling asleep on the couch when Kaede and everyone else are over?” It’s happened once. Shuichi had saved the day by waking him up when he first heard his quiet cries of pain. Luckily everyone had just walked into the other room at that time. “...I guess.”

It wasn’t like Kokichi was the only one struggling. He’s fallen asleep at his desk more times in his whole career during these past few weeks. He’d been working harder too. He didn’t _have_ too. An old habit of his, being a workaholic, to try and take his mind off things. Kokichi still had a couple days off his work. His boss had even sent a get-well-soon card. Cheap and from the dollar store. But Kokichi didn’t complain.

“...I still hate it.” He said after the silence. Shuichi only responded in a tired nod. Followed by a yawn. “...Just...try and go back to sleep. Maybe another hour and we’ll get up…”

Another two hours later is when they actually get up. At 6 when both couldn’t stand the chance of nightmares to increase. Kokichi always liked to let Shuichi sleep in as long as possible to avoid taking care of their burns that covered their arms and legs.

Shuichi was unwrapping Kokichi’s arm, and getting out the ointment that was given. “Owwie…” Kokichi whined as Shuichi lightly touched the back of his arm. “Sorry, you get to do this to me as payback. Don’t worry.” Which seemed to satisfy Kokichi throughout the whole rewrapping.

Shuichi pulled something out of a drawer he found the day before. “I was wondering where it went.” He said as he turned to Kokichi. The shorter sighed and grabbed it from him. “If I have to.” He muttered.

Kokichi had ignored his doctor, it wouldn’t be the first time. But ignoring his doctor would be like ignoring his injury. Which he did. “But I hate the sling! You don’t know how annoying it is!” He droned on, after Shuichi made him wear it. “Oh I know, I dislocated my shoulder during my first crash. I can sympathize.” Kokichi stuck a tongue out at him.

Shuichi was on the couch, Kokichi at his feet. The smaller leaned back to use Shuichi’s legs as a back rest. The quiet comfortable silence stretching over to envelope them. Stirring up old memories that seemed months ago. Which in reality— _If that was even a thing anymore_ —was just a couple weeks ago.“...I missed this…” Kokichi sighed. He turned and stood up. Moving to sit beside Shuichi. “...I’m pretty sure I failed 900...960 times… I watched you get buried just as much…” his voice sad, hugging one of Shuichi’s arms with his good one.

“We’re all better now…” Shuichi whispered back, letting Kokichi curl up next to him. It was a sweet little lie. Truth was, nothing was ever going to be ‘ _all better_ ’. There was painful reminders of their inescapable memories everywhere. “Yeah… I know but I‘m...afraid.” The air turned serious. Kokichi speaking now without too much emotion. “Afraid…?” He inquired, only doing so for Kokichi’s sake. Kokichi paused, then slowly nodded. “...That...one night I’ll go to sleep I’ll wake up on that bus... We’ll crash and you’ll slip through my fingers _again_.”

Shuichi couldn't imagine how frustrating that must of been. And to think he was angry by the third time. “...Nightmares bothering you?” He asked quietly. He’s been having them too often. “...In the same damned bus.” Kokichi replied. His voice slightly shaking. “...It’s going to take a while to heal from that.” Shuichi tried to comfort but Kokichi only winced, “I-It’s harder than that! W-Wasn’t it hard to watch me die again and again!?” Shuichi frowned. “...Don’t bring that up, of course it was hard.” Kokichi pulled away from him. “Y-You don’t act like it..! It’s like it never happened! I don’t see you waking up from horrible dreams as much as I do! I never hear you say how much it...it hurt you!”

Kokichi wiped his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears he didn’t want Shuichi to see. Shuichi reached a hand out to comfort him but it was only pushed away. “I-I hate being so petty like this, you know… I-I’ve always been such a cry baby. Shuichi… everything’s b-been so hard…” he looked away, to hide his face. Shuichi didn’t let Kokichi push him away, with two arms he trapped Kokichi in a hug. “Sh-Shuichi.”

“I know it’s been hard… but don’t think for a second that it didn’t hurt me. I spend every waking moment thinking about you and if this is even real. I want to be strong for once because I feel like I’m the one who always needs someone to lean on. Kokichi… the thought of you dying made me upset… to actually witness it… Kokichi, it broke me… I-I can’t even begin to put into words how much emotional pain I was in… but if it’s what you want to hear then I’ll tell you every bit… every thought… please… never in a thousand years doubt that I never once reflected on that day, those hours… the effort I put in to drag you back from the doors of death. Kokichi, it’s because I love you with every bit of me and could not live without you. If you cost me my sanity then I would gladly give it… you mean more than anything to me… so please… don’t ever doubt my words or feelings… please…”

Kokichi trembled in his grip, not because of any fear but because of the weight of emotions he’s been carrying around was finally crashing down on him. Breaking down into sobs, Shuichi gently rocked him. Rubbing circles into his back, whispering hushed words to soothe him in even the slightest bit. Some of his words even being lies, but as Kokichi always liked to say, all lies are not bad. Lies to make another person feel better can be a good lie. He shot down all the bad things Kokichi said about himself. Replacing them with positive more truer things.

“...You can go back to bed. If you wake up from another nightmare, I’ll be right here… So you can just rest, you look exhausted…” no amount of makeup Kokichi could put on to hide the dark circles under his eyes. Eyes may be gateways to the soul but body language said a lot. When Kokichi came to a silence, Shuichi knew he’d taken him up on his offer. He went with Kokichi to their room. He’ll feel better in a couple hours.

______________

 

“...I want to spend more time with you.” Kokichi whined as Shuichi got breakfast ready. “I spent a lot of time with you whe—” “Eh! So what? You took off your socks for me, I’m talking about a movie at home… fluffy blankets and sad films. So I can finally get you to crack when someone dies.” Shuichi chuckled as he set Kokichi’s breakfast down in front of him. Half of the laughter was because he cried so much when Kokichi died. “Good luck with that, I’ve never cried for movies.” Kokichi waved a half eaten piece of toast at him. “Ah-ah-aaah! Don’t jinx it, one day I’ll get you.”

“In your dreams.” He sat next to Kokichi with his own breakfast. “We could talk about a movie night after we see someone.” Kokichi stopped mid-chew to glance at him. Swallowing hard, “Are you sure…? Because I’m not…” Shuichi sighed, “I’m sorry if you really don’t want to go… but I—”

“Made a promise… I know…” he took another bite of toast. “...It’s just been a while and we didn’t leave off on the right foot.”

“In other words, you’re nervous?”

“Do I need to be honest?”

Shuichi bit back his laugh, “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.” Kokichi rolled his eyes, “You already know the answer, so why ask?”

“Just double checking.”

“Shut up, that’s my thing.”

After breakfast they got into their car and began driving to their destination. It had actually been the second time they’d been in a vehicle since the crash. They had been walking everywhere before. Just the hum of the wheels turning underneath them and the sounds of horns honking was enough to shake up the bad experience all over again. They’ve gotten better. Knowing that they couldn’t avoid it forever. Time was given, and they healed from that. Still… if they had to choose walking over driving, walking would win. A couple minutes longer wait was better than death.

“She was informed by the hospital that you were in a crash.” Shuichi said, attempting to make it seemed like she would care even the slightest. “Mhm."

“...At least have an open mind.” Kokichi sighed, “I do… but, Shuichi, you try going up to your parents for no good reason whatsoever.” Point taken. If it were Shuichi in his shoes then he would be a mess. But Kokichi’s mother actually went to her son’s funeral. That was saying something. “Yeah… I see what you’re saying. Just… be you, Kay?” The other nodded. The drive was silent for the remainder of the minutes.

Shuichi stopped in front of the house Kokichi said was hers. “Want me to come, or hang back?” Kokichi shook his head, “I think if I can handle hundreds of funerals, countless of bus crashes, and survive A Dog’s Purpose, I think I can say hello to my own mother. I’ll… I’ll let you know if you can come or not.” After that Kokichi stepped out of the car and walked up to knock on the door.

Shuichi was too far away to hear much, so he relied on his sight. It took a few moments before the door opened. Shuichi held his breath for the reaction. He saw Kokichi wave, and the women in the doorway just stared. Seconds passed and there’s no movement. Then suddenly she wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Kokichi didn’t except it. He could tell by the way he froze in her hold. Contemplating something before hugging back.

Shuichi relaxed, letting go of his bated breath. He was right, the guilt she spoke about at the funeral wasn’t suddenly stirred up by his death. She’s been sitting in it. That stagnant water probably happy to go free once Kokichi arrived. Even by afar he could tell the women was crying. Hopefully tears of joy. He watched her try and invite him in but Kokichi gestured towards the car. Another pause. But a happy reaction by the look of it. He saw Kokichi waving him over so Shuichi got out of the car to meet Kokichi’s mother.

For the 36th time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angie and her friends where just passing by as she saw Kokichi and Shuichi walk up to a women at the door. "Nyeh... I'm glad both are okay." Himiko said as Tenko handed her a lollipop she asked for before. Angie nodded, putting her hands together as if in prayer. "Nyhaha! let us all praise Atua for this glorious blessing!"
> 
> They were only on the other side of the street. For a brief moment she saw Shuichi turn and steal her eye contact. He smiled, as if to say thank you. Angie smiled in return. Even waving when the door shut behind him. "What's that about?" Tenko asked. Angie shrugged. "One might say he's in a good mood today."
> 
> She turned to her two friends who were already sensing the air deepening into something else. 
> 
> "For it is not every day you get to reverse the date, to change someone else's fate."

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's dripping with fluff, but it gets sad for those who just get off on ANGST. U sick freaks. Takes one to know one tho XD 
> 
> >;)


End file.
